from: www.dictionary.com
de·pres·sion (d-prshn)
n.
1. The act of depressing or the state of being depressed.
2. A reduction in physiological vigor or activity.
3. A lowering in amount, degree, or position.
4. An inward displacement of a body part.
5. A hollow or sunken area.
6. The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
7. A psychotic or neurotic condition characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, and feelings of extreme sadness, dejection, and hopelessness.
and
sadness (sd-nes)
n.
1. Affected or characterized by sorrow or unhappiness.
2. Expressive of sorrow or unhappiness.
3. Causing sorrow or gloom; depressing: a sad movie; sad news.
4. Deplorable; sorry: a sad state of affairs; a sad excuse.
5. Dark-hued; somber.
~~~
therefore:
sadness + sadness + sadness + sadness + sadness = depression
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Lent
People close to me know that I like Lent better than Christmas. I have nothing against the latter but in our very materialistic world Christmas has become more and more inclined to the thought of giving gifts - mostly material things. Its true meaning has been over ridden by questions such as: “what is your gift to me?” and “how much it costs?”
Then there’s Lent. For forty days, we are encouraged to give more than material gifts. We are asked to make effort to be a little bit kinder to each other, to be a little bit patient and to be one with Christ in His suffering to save us.
It’s like having a date with Him and having a grand time.
~~~
Tuesday.
A number of people, especially Arlene and Ilen, have been encouraging me to watch the film, The Passion of the Christ since it’s release last year, but I can’t. I don’t have the guts to watch my Lord go through all the pain, the torment and the persecution because of me. I just can’t. Yup! A first class coward.
So, armored with a bit of courage, I watched the film. It broke my heart but I’m glad I did watch.
It was when He accepted the Father’s will and said “Thy will be done” that made all the difference. His perfect, unfailing and wonderful love behind the torment made everything else possible.
The love surrounding the cross –His love - saved us. Along with that is the love at the foot of the cross, which encourages us to be strong in every step of the way to be closer to Him.
~~~
Wednesday.
Inay, my beloved and amazing grandmother, turned 69. I pray for her, long life and more love :)
~~~
Thursday.
It is a yearly tradition of the family to visit at least seven churches within Laguna to do Bisita Iglesia. This year we visited eight: (1) St. Peter’s Seminary (2) Carmelite (3) Church in Rizal, Laguna (4) Church in Nagcarlan, Laguna (5) Saint Francis of Assisi Church in San Francisco, Calihan (6) Saint Paul The First Hermit - San Pablo Cathedral (7) Nuestra Señora delos Remedios (8) Nestra Señora del Pilar
It was being with Him and with my family at the same time.
~~~
Saturday.
Went to Nazareth Bahay Pag-ibig. I just love Lola Inday and Lola Soledad :)
~~~
Sunday.
We had to wake up early – like 3:30am to go to the plaza. We attended mass after witnessing the removal of the mourning veil of Mama Mary by an angel (a little girl of about 3 to 4 years old) for Christ has risen :) Happy Easter!
Then there’s Lent. For forty days, we are encouraged to give more than material gifts. We are asked to make effort to be a little bit kinder to each other, to be a little bit patient and to be one with Christ in His suffering to save us.
It’s like having a date with Him and having a grand time.
~~~
Tuesday.
A number of people, especially Arlene and Ilen, have been encouraging me to watch the film, The Passion of the Christ since it’s release last year, but I can’t. I don’t have the guts to watch my Lord go through all the pain, the torment and the persecution because of me. I just can’t. Yup! A first class coward.
So, armored with a bit of courage, I watched the film. It broke my heart but I’m glad I did watch.
It was when He accepted the Father’s will and said “Thy will be done” that made all the difference. His perfect, unfailing and wonderful love behind the torment made everything else possible.
The love surrounding the cross –His love - saved us. Along with that is the love at the foot of the cross, which encourages us to be strong in every step of the way to be closer to Him.
~~~
Wednesday.
Inay, my beloved and amazing grandmother, turned 69. I pray for her, long life and more love :)
~~~
Thursday.
It is a yearly tradition of the family to visit at least seven churches within Laguna to do Bisita Iglesia. This year we visited eight: (1) St. Peter’s Seminary (2) Carmelite (3) Church in Rizal, Laguna (4) Church in Nagcarlan, Laguna (5) Saint Francis of Assisi Church in San Francisco, Calihan (6) Saint Paul The First Hermit - San Pablo Cathedral (7) Nuestra Señora delos Remedios (8) Nestra Señora del Pilar
It was being with Him and with my family at the same time.
~~~
Saturday.
Went to Nazareth Bahay Pag-ibig. I just love Lola Inday and Lola Soledad :)
~~~
Sunday.
We had to wake up early – like 3:30am to go to the plaza. We attended mass after witnessing the removal of the mourning veil of Mama Mary by an angel (a little girl of about 3 to 4 years old) for Christ has risen :) Happy Easter!
Monday, March 21, 2005
Kung Ibig Mo Akong Makilala
Ruth Elynia S. Mabanglo, 1988
Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
ang titig kong dagat—
yumayapos nang mahigpit sa bawat saglit
ng kahapon ko’t bukas.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala
sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
at sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil,
ibangon ako at saka palayain.
Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
may suhay ng tuwa’t ang kaluwalhatia’y
walang takda—
ialay mo lahat ito sa akin
kung mahal mo ako’t ibig kilalanin.
Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
umilanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa—
hubad ako roon: mula ulo hanggang paa.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
ang titig kong dagat—
yumayapos nang mahigpit sa bawat saglit
ng kahapon ko’t bukas.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala
sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
at sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil,
ibangon ako at saka palayain.
Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
may suhay ng tuwa’t ang kaluwalhatia’y
walang takda—
ialay mo lahat ito sa akin
kung mahal mo ako’t ibig kilalanin.
Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
umilanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa—
hubad ako roon: mula ulo hanggang paa.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Numb
Nothing moves me. I can only truly feel something when it involves sadness and anger. I have been very irritable, clumsy and forgetful these past few weeks. I hate myself for having these “abnormalities”. I'm numb... too numb to feel and write anything. Until when this will last? :'( Sana matapos na. I longed to feel the excitement of being alive again.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
...
From a forwarded email:
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"
"I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one-day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have arequirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd."No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully.Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"
"I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one-day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have arequirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd."No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully.Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."
Friday, March 04, 2005
Stubborn love
Kathy Troccoli
*Love song ko ke Lord :)*
Caught again. Your faithless friend.
Don't You ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray,
But what can I say?
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times
I've caused You pain.
The "forgive me" sounds so empty
When I never change.
Yet You stay and say, "I love you still,"
Forgiving me time and time again.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your stubborn love.
Funny me.
Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You,
You were loving me.
Sometimes I cry -
You must cry, too
when You see the broken promises
I've made to you.
I keep saying that I'll trust You
Though I seldom do.
Yet You stay and say You love me still,
Knowing some day I'll be like You.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me.
And You never let me go -
I believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love!
*Love song ko ke Lord :)*
Caught again. Your faithless friend.
Don't You ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray,
But what can I say?
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times
I've caused You pain.
The "forgive me" sounds so empty
When I never change.
Yet You stay and say, "I love you still,"
Forgiving me time and time again.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your stubborn love.
Funny me.
Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You,
You were loving me.
Sometimes I cry -
You must cry, too
when You see the broken promises
I've made to you.
I keep saying that I'll trust You
Though I seldom do.
Yet You stay and say You love me still,
Knowing some day I'll be like You.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me.
And You never let me go -
I believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Going home
It’s 9:15 pm and I’m still here in the office. No official whatsoever, I just have to help an officemate to do something for her kid.
I’m tired and hungry and sleepy and tired and hungry and sleepy and… oh yeah, bored too. I still have to wake up really early for a meeting tomorrow at the Manila area but I have to post something first. Should be yesterday pa nga eh kaya lang I’m having problems with my boss these days.
Anyhow, I went to Los Baños last Monday to pass my application for a graduate course at UPOU. The third time I went there without him.
*Recalling the events as well as the emotions involved*
~~~
September 24, 2004. I was hopeful then that he would change his mind and come back – but he didn’t and the pain was beyond compare.
October 18, 2004. My parents saw how dreadful I was at the thought of going back to “our” place that even though I did not ask, they volunteered and accompanied me there. Just the thought of being at the place where memories still linger made my muscles shiver and my bones rattle – it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Sobrang nakakapraning.
CS Lewis, in his book, Grief Observed wrote that: “grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restless, the yawning… I keep on swallowing.”
That was exactly how I felt then. I still feel those things but not as frequent.
February 28, 2005. I was neither hopeful nor scared. I was, in fact, thrilled of going “home.”
~~~
I love UPLB and I don’t think I would ever stop loving it. Oh yes, the place still reminds me of him but it has it’s very own magic that never fails to place me in a trance.
Arlenie’s kind enough to accompany me there twice – during the 1st and 3rd time – even though I know she’s not exactly thrilled of going back. Salamat po. Thank you for steadying me up when the “shivering” and the “rattling” hit.
I also have to say thank you to Jaike and Riza (LB-based friends) for making me feel that I’m not alone there. Yung feeling na kahit anong mangyari, basta pumunta ako dun they will always be there to make me smile.
Friends are part of the charm that encircles UPLB. Kahit na we have our own lives na, we are certain that we would be there to support each other through the good and especially the not so good times.
~~~
siyempre may pictures!
with Arlenie and Riza (and also yung baby - ndi pa kita kasi he is still inside his mom's tummy :)
not the "original" oble but he will do for now. next time na lang yung original - the one in front of the humanities building ;)
**gosh! nauna si arlene magpost sakin! promise ndi kita ginaya. ngayon ko lang nakita na nagpost ka din on the same topic. oki?!
I’m tired and hungry and sleepy and tired and hungry and sleepy and… oh yeah, bored too. I still have to wake up really early for a meeting tomorrow at the Manila area but I have to post something first. Should be yesterday pa nga eh kaya lang I’m having problems with my boss these days.
Anyhow, I went to Los Baños last Monday to pass my application for a graduate course at UPOU. The third time I went there without him.
*Recalling the events as well as the emotions involved*
~~~
September 24, 2004. I was hopeful then that he would change his mind and come back – but he didn’t and the pain was beyond compare.
October 18, 2004. My parents saw how dreadful I was at the thought of going back to “our” place that even though I did not ask, they volunteered and accompanied me there. Just the thought of being at the place where memories still linger made my muscles shiver and my bones rattle – it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Sobrang nakakapraning.
CS Lewis, in his book, Grief Observed wrote that: “grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restless, the yawning… I keep on swallowing.”
That was exactly how I felt then. I still feel those things but not as frequent.
February 28, 2005. I was neither hopeful nor scared. I was, in fact, thrilled of going “home.”
~~~
I love UPLB and I don’t think I would ever stop loving it. Oh yes, the place still reminds me of him but it has it’s very own magic that never fails to place me in a trance.
Arlenie’s kind enough to accompany me there twice – during the 1st and 3rd time – even though I know she’s not exactly thrilled of going back. Salamat po. Thank you for steadying me up when the “shivering” and the “rattling” hit.
I also have to say thank you to Jaike and Riza (LB-based friends) for making me feel that I’m not alone there. Yung feeling na kahit anong mangyari, basta pumunta ako dun they will always be there to make me smile.
Friends are part of the charm that encircles UPLB. Kahit na we have our own lives na, we are certain that we would be there to support each other through the good and especially the not so good times.
~~~
siyempre may pictures!
with Arlenie and Riza (and also yung baby - ndi pa kita kasi he is still inside his mom's tummy :)
not the "original" oble but he will do for now. next time na lang yung original - the one in front of the humanities building ;)
**gosh! nauna si arlene magpost sakin! promise ndi kita ginaya. ngayon ko lang nakita na nagpost ka din on the same topic. oki?!
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Heaven Help My Heart
Tina Arena
Two smiling faces
That's how it used to be
What once was forever
Now a faded memory
The perfect illusion
For a while I guess it was
Without explanation the bloom fell off the rose
Heaven help my heart
'Cause it's a lot like me
Wondering when this all will end and I find the love I need
I know it's out there somewhere
Somehow I still believe
I'm asking please
Heaven help my heart
This world can get crazy
These are troubled times
I'd walk through fire if love is what I'd find
It's out of my hands so I put my faith in you
I say a little prayer and hope that it comes true
Heaven help my heart
'Cause it's a lot like me
Wondering when this all will end and I find the love I need
I know it's out there somewhere
Somehow I still believe
I'm asking please
Heaven help my heart
Two smiling faces
That's how it used to be
What once was forever
Now a faded memory
The perfect illusion
For a while I guess it was
Without explanation the bloom fell off the rose
Heaven help my heart
'Cause it's a lot like me
Wondering when this all will end and I find the love I need
I know it's out there somewhere
Somehow I still believe
I'm asking please
Heaven help my heart
This world can get crazy
These are troubled times
I'd walk through fire if love is what I'd find
It's out of my hands so I put my faith in you
I say a little prayer and hope that it comes true
Heaven help my heart
'Cause it's a lot like me
Wondering when this all will end and I find the love I need
I know it's out there somewhere
Somehow I still believe
I'm asking please
Heaven help my heart
Monday, February 21, 2005
Weekend adventure
'Is there anybody up there?' he asks.
'Yes, it's me, God,' comes the response.
'Thank God for that,' the atheist replies.
'Please God, help me. I'll do anything.'
'Of course, my son. But I have just one request to make.'
'Anything, God,' replies the atheist.
'I will save you, my child,' says God,
'but you have to trust me first. Let go of the twig and I will catch you.'
Bakit ba ang tagal ko bago makinig? Ang kulit! Grabe… What else do I need to hear, to see and to feel before I let go of the twig?
God constantly assures me that He would be there when I fall and yet here I am so afraid of falling, of experiencing the pain, of being alone and of letting go.
People around me, including him, keep on insisting that there is a greater plan. Of course there is. It’s just so hard to have a clearer perspective right now. I have been blinded by my own heart’s desires.
Earlier this week, he told me that I am the only person whom he is completely comfortable with… the only one whom he can talk to without editing… the one who would always be there for him… ang sarap pakinggan lahat, flattering. But in as much as I always want to be there for him, I can’t now. Not now. Kaya na niya sarili niya.
What happened last Friday were both a mistake and an eye opener. I thought I was ok na. Hindi pa pala.
The clotting of the blood – still on its first stage – was stopped; the wound was revived which caused the heart to bleed again. However this time, the blood served as an eye-opener. Now I really have to let go of the twig.
I asked him to help me. I asked him not to call, text or email me. It was the only way I know for me to move on. But I assured him that I could be his emergency friend. Pag wala na talagang matakbuhan, I can be there for him. I just don’t know if he would remember me when that time comes.
In any case,I'm moving on I will try to move on.
~~~
I went out last Saturday with my high school friends to see South Border at Letran, Calamba.
(As you read on please take not of the time – very important)
The concert was supposed to start at 7:00 pm of February 19, 2005. We were at the site at around 8pm and had to wait until 1:00 am of February 20, 2005 to be able to watch them perform for an hour. Forgive me for saying this but I found them very UN-PRO-FES-SION-AL. Eh mas marami pang songs na kinanta yung front act band.
Anyhow, that’s not the highlight of my weekend. While waiting for the band, Maciel (my best friend), Raciel (her twin sis), Destine, Reese, Gian and I started talking and eating and taking pictures of one another. In the end, we had 30+ pictures and only 4 of the band’s :) kasi na-drain na yung batteries.
We were together until 8 am. I have to say I had fun ;)
Thank you very much friends :)
~~~
piktyurs:
'Yes, it's me, God,' comes the response.
'Thank God for that,' the atheist replies.
'Please God, help me. I'll do anything.'
'Of course, my son. But I have just one request to make.'
'Anything, God,' replies the atheist.
'I will save you, my child,' says God,
'but you have to trust me first. Let go of the twig and I will catch you.'
Bakit ba ang tagal ko bago makinig? Ang kulit! Grabe… What else do I need to hear, to see and to feel before I let go of the twig?
God constantly assures me that He would be there when I fall and yet here I am so afraid of falling, of experiencing the pain, of being alone and of letting go.
People around me, including him, keep on insisting that there is a greater plan. Of course there is. It’s just so hard to have a clearer perspective right now. I have been blinded by my own heart’s desires.
Earlier this week, he told me that I am the only person whom he is completely comfortable with… the only one whom he can talk to without editing… the one who would always be there for him… ang sarap pakinggan lahat, flattering. But in as much as I always want to be there for him, I can’t now. Not now. Kaya na niya sarili niya.
What happened last Friday were both a mistake and an eye opener. I thought I was ok na. Hindi pa pala.
The clotting of the blood – still on its first stage – was stopped; the wound was revived which caused the heart to bleed again. However this time, the blood served as an eye-opener. Now I really have to let go of the twig.
I asked him to help me. I asked him not to call, text or email me. It was the only way I know for me to move on. But I assured him that I could be his emergency friend. Pag wala na talagang matakbuhan, I can be there for him. I just don’t know if he would remember me when that time comes.
In any case,
~~~
I went out last Saturday with my high school friends to see South Border at Letran, Calamba.
(As you read on please take not of the time – very important)
The concert was supposed to start at 7:00 pm of February 19, 2005. We were at the site at around 8pm and had to wait until 1:00 am of February 20, 2005 to be able to watch them perform for an hour. Forgive me for saying this but I found them very UN-PRO-FES-SION-AL. Eh mas marami pang songs na kinanta yung front act band.
Anyhow, that’s not the highlight of my weekend. While waiting for the band, Maciel (my best friend), Raciel (her twin sis), Destine, Reese, Gian and I started talking and eating and taking pictures of one another. In the end, we had 30+ pictures and only 4 of the band’s :) kasi na-drain na yung batteries.
We were together until 8 am. I have to say I had fun ;)
Thank you very much friends :)
~~~
piktyurs:
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Hush...
Wala pa rin ako masabi dito. Masama pa rin ang loob ko. I don’t want whining here kaya lang what he did last weekend was way below me. It was foul. Of all the insults I’ve accepted from him, this one’s probably the worst. Yet he acted as if nothing happened, as if it was the most normal thing to do. Grabe, wala na ba talaga siyang pakiramdam?
In the years we’ve spent together, I have refined and polished his image in my mind; he became the perfect person. I have overlooked every fault and placed him at the altar to worship. Now, as I watch the altar falls into pieces, I feel trapped. I am at the bottom (again) – under all the debris. Alive? Yes... barely breathing.
But this time, I know that I will survive.
~~~
Inspiration
From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
~February 15, 2005~
But what about me? Who will love me in return? We catch ourselves asking these questions sometimes, aware of our own need to be loved and cared for. The problem is when this becomes such a concern for us that we love in measured steps, giving yet calculating, reaching out with half-open hands. God loves you. And loves you more! Much more than you can think of. Let God’s love free you from all your fears. He wants you to be happy and at peace.
In the years we’ve spent together, I have refined and polished his image in my mind; he became the perfect person. I have overlooked every fault and placed him at the altar to worship. Now, as I watch the altar falls into pieces, I feel trapped. I am at the bottom (again) – under all the debris. Alive? Yes... barely breathing.
But this time, I know that I will survive.
~~~
Inspiration
From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
~February 15, 2005~
But what about me? Who will love me in return? We catch ourselves asking these questions sometimes, aware of our own need to be loved and cared for. The problem is when this becomes such a concern for us that we love in measured steps, giving yet calculating, reaching out with half-open hands. God loves you. And loves you more! Much more than you can think of. Let God’s love free you from all your fears. He wants you to be happy and at peace.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Happy Valentine's day!
February 14, 2005
What are you in love with.. will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, what breaks your heart (Pedro Arrupe, SJ). How does this strike you? Think about this as you start Valentine’s Day. We sometimes think that love is simply a high, heavenly feeling, forgetting that is has much to do with the quality of the lives we live. Fall in love stay in love and it will decide everything!
~~~
Inspiration
From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
~January 16, 2005~
Happy feast day of the Sto. Nino! “Whoever becomes lowly like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven and whoever receives such child in my name receives me. It’s easy to please a kid. A balloon or ice cream cone is enough to make a child happy. And he won’t stop until he gets what he knows will make him happy. Watch or play with kids today. Let them remind you of life’s simple joys and show you where to find them. Let them inspire you to know and follow the True Source of Joy.
~January 17, 2005~
“No one puts new wine into old wineskins for the wine would burst the skins, and then both the wine and the skins would be lost.” Taking our Christian life seriously won’t let us live peaceful, easy lives. Rather, it will shake and disturb us. Why? Because welcoming Jesus into our lives necessarily invites conversion. Jesus challenges our set ways. He’ll ask us to leave our comfort zones if we want a new and better life. Now we know what it means when we say, “Jesus rocks!”
~January 18, 2005~
The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath (Mk 2:28). Jesus responds to the people who react when his disciples do what isn’t allowed on the sacred day. In our effort to be “holy” or “religious” we sometimes do the opposite. We get stuck with rules and forget the practical reasons behind the rules. The heart of the law is the law of the heart. Jesus shows us the premium in charity and compassion when he allows the starving men to “work” on the Sabbath by picking grains to eat!
~January 19, 2005~
Many of us want to pray, but we often find ourselves in situations, which prevent us from praying. Or we find reasons not pray. How do we pray then? The answer is simple: PRAY. As we thank the Lord for planting in us the desire to spend time with Him, let’s strive to put that desire into action. Be still and stay in God’s quiet, loving presence, allowing words and thoughts to flow freely from your heart. Do this again tomorrow and the next day and the next…
~February 1, 2005~
The images of the dead, dying and suffering in the tsunami-stricken areas continue to move and disturb us. We ask how all these will end and what future lies ahead for the victims. This invites us to hope. To trust that while we do our part in rebuilding lives, God is doing so much more. From a song:
Even if there is pain now
Everything will be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day Can you hear me
There’s a rainbow always after the rain.
~February 2, 2005~
Today is the feast day of the Purification of Our Lady and the presentation of the Lord in the temple. In the past, this was called Christmas. People went to church to have candles blessed. Let’s reflect on the image of light. As Christians, we’re called to be light to the world, to be the warm glow amid the darkness. We serve as lamps, leading others to safe, sure paths. No storm or wind can put us out as we take our light from the one Great Source whose light always warms and welcomes.
~February 3, 2005~
When Mother Teresa was still alive, a visitor once asked her for some relics as a holy souvenir. She simply told the person: Leave your own relics! Mother Teresa has a good point. We usually look for objects -- the holy outside of us. We forget we’re holy channels. We are, in fact, temples of the Holy Spirit! The kind words we say and good acts we do make others feel God’s presence in their lives. They point to Goodness beyond ours. What “relics” can you leave today?
~February 4, 2005~
In this first Friday of the Sacred Heart and this month of Hearts, let’s go back to the Heart of Jesus. Imagine your special place in His heart. When you love someone, you can do everything just to see him/her happy. You forget yourself and only remember the one you love. You bear the hurt/pain, and forgive and accept. Let this be your heart’s prayer: I seek to dwell in the heart of the Lord all the days of my life, and that the Lord will dwell in my heart all the days of my life!
~February 5, 2005~
When you review the events of your life as though they were passing in front of you, you will see one thing: He is AFTER YOU. Pause awhile: How does this strike you? God has always been behind you in your joys and pains, ups and downs. He has quietly, lovingly joined you in your journey, letting you choose your path yet standing by and watching. God is after you. He has always pursued you in all these years, faithfully following, trying to get your attention, always calling you to come home.
~February 6, 2005~
“You are the light of the world.. Your light must shine before others, so that they may see the good you do and praise your Father in heaven.” How has your light bearing and light giving been? What has been the quality of your light? Have people passing your way seen God’s face in your life’s glow? You’ve just ended the first month of the year, your attempts at new beginnings. Be thankful and be hopeful. The life you live is the light you leave the world!
~February 7, 2005~
Good day! As you begin your routine, try to do the little prayer exercise that Fr. De Mello often taught: “Behold God holding you… and smiling.” Quietly do this in your room or prayer space. Let the morning stillness fill you and lead you to the stillness of God’s loving embrace. Stay there. We sometimes get tired – even at prayer – because we try too hard and do things our way. The Lord assures: “I love you just the way you are!” Just stay with Him!
~February 8, 2005~
You are God’s precious one. He holds you in the palm of His hands, carrying you close to His heart. How often do you realize this in your life? When you view your life, realize how one Guiding Hand has always been present and active – leading you to safe and sure paths, offering shelter from the elements. “God loves you with an everlasting love.” Spend the day filled with and assured by God’s love. Let God’s love flow into the people you will meet today.
~February 9, 2005~
Lent begins today with the imposition of ashes. Make today a prayerful experience as you reflect on the powerful symbol of the ashes on your forehead. The ashes remind us of our earthly lives. No matter how talented or powerful we are, we all will come to an end and return to the ground. We are confronted with our vulnerability. We are nothing. In God’s presence, we cannot lay claim to anything. We are humbled. We can only fall on our knees before God.
~February 10, 2005~
In the Gospel today, Jesus tells us: “If you wish to be a follower of mine, deny yourself and take up your cross each day and follow me.” (Lk 9:23) How does that sound to you? Demanding and forceful? There is always both a strength and a gentleness in Jesus’ words. Discipleship, or a relationship with Jesus, entails much giving up and giving away – of our self centered ways. But He waits for us to respond freely, not pushing us but inviting. Stop and listen!
~February 11, 2005~
Happy feast f Our Lady of Lourdes! Lourdes is one of the world’s most visited shrines; famous for its springs that have lead to many cures and miracles. It’s interesting to note that even in winter, the shrine’s springs never freeze. The waters keep flowing in the taps, greeting pilgrims from far and wide. Never giving a chilly bath. Faith’s like that too. Even in our lives’ cold winters, it’s an ever-gushing wellspring that sustains us and gives us life and hope.
~February 12, 2005~
We sometime have a tendency to stay away from “bad” people. We are afraid they will infect or influence us. Thus, we choose to live an antiseptic life. But Jesus reminds us today: “Healthy people don’t need a doctor, but sick people do. I have come to call.. sinners, not the righteous.” Let Jesus’ words touch your heart. Who are the people in your life whom you need to pay more attention to? Who are those whom you are called to help heal?
~February 13, 2005~
Today is the first Sunday of Lent. The season of Lent invites us to a desert experience. As we remember the passion and death of Jesus, we are asked to enter into moments of prayerful solitude. Recall the points in your life when you felt dry and wasted, parched and desolated, and let these bring you to your heart’s many hungers. Deserts are times and places we can be thankful for. They make us seek and appreciate most earnestly even raindrops of God’s grace!
What are you in love with.. will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, what breaks your heart (Pedro Arrupe, SJ). How does this strike you? Think about this as you start Valentine’s Day. We sometimes think that love is simply a high, heavenly feeling, forgetting that is has much to do with the quality of the lives we live. Fall in love stay in love and it will decide everything!
~~~
Inspiration
From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
~January 16, 2005~
Happy feast day of the Sto. Nino! “Whoever becomes lowly like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven and whoever receives such child in my name receives me. It’s easy to please a kid. A balloon or ice cream cone is enough to make a child happy. And he won’t stop until he gets what he knows will make him happy. Watch or play with kids today. Let them remind you of life’s simple joys and show you where to find them. Let them inspire you to know and follow the True Source of Joy.
~January 17, 2005~
“No one puts new wine into old wineskins for the wine would burst the skins, and then both the wine and the skins would be lost.” Taking our Christian life seriously won’t let us live peaceful, easy lives. Rather, it will shake and disturb us. Why? Because welcoming Jesus into our lives necessarily invites conversion. Jesus challenges our set ways. He’ll ask us to leave our comfort zones if we want a new and better life. Now we know what it means when we say, “Jesus rocks!”
~January 18, 2005~
The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath (Mk 2:28). Jesus responds to the people who react when his disciples do what isn’t allowed on the sacred day. In our effort to be “holy” or “religious” we sometimes do the opposite. We get stuck with rules and forget the practical reasons behind the rules. The heart of the law is the law of the heart. Jesus shows us the premium in charity and compassion when he allows the starving men to “work” on the Sabbath by picking grains to eat!
~January 19, 2005~
Many of us want to pray, but we often find ourselves in situations, which prevent us from praying. Or we find reasons not pray. How do we pray then? The answer is simple: PRAY. As we thank the Lord for planting in us the desire to spend time with Him, let’s strive to put that desire into action. Be still and stay in God’s quiet, loving presence, allowing words and thoughts to flow freely from your heart. Do this again tomorrow and the next day and the next…
~February 1, 2005~
The images of the dead, dying and suffering in the tsunami-stricken areas continue to move and disturb us. We ask how all these will end and what future lies ahead for the victims. This invites us to hope. To trust that while we do our part in rebuilding lives, God is doing so much more. From a song:
Even if there is pain now
Everything will be all right
For as long as the world still turns
There will be night and day Can you hear me
There’s a rainbow always after the rain.
~February 2, 2005~
Today is the feast day of the Purification of Our Lady and the presentation of the Lord in the temple. In the past, this was called Christmas. People went to church to have candles blessed. Let’s reflect on the image of light. As Christians, we’re called to be light to the world, to be the warm glow amid the darkness. We serve as lamps, leading others to safe, sure paths. No storm or wind can put us out as we take our light from the one Great Source whose light always warms and welcomes.
~February 3, 2005~
When Mother Teresa was still alive, a visitor once asked her for some relics as a holy souvenir. She simply told the person: Leave your own relics! Mother Teresa has a good point. We usually look for objects -- the holy outside of us. We forget we’re holy channels. We are, in fact, temples of the Holy Spirit! The kind words we say and good acts we do make others feel God’s presence in their lives. They point to Goodness beyond ours. What “relics” can you leave today?
~February 4, 2005~
In this first Friday of the Sacred Heart and this month of Hearts, let’s go back to the Heart of Jesus. Imagine your special place in His heart. When you love someone, you can do everything just to see him/her happy. You forget yourself and only remember the one you love. You bear the hurt/pain, and forgive and accept. Let this be your heart’s prayer: I seek to dwell in the heart of the Lord all the days of my life, and that the Lord will dwell in my heart all the days of my life!
~February 5, 2005~
When you review the events of your life as though they were passing in front of you, you will see one thing: He is AFTER YOU. Pause awhile: How does this strike you? God has always been behind you in your joys and pains, ups and downs. He has quietly, lovingly joined you in your journey, letting you choose your path yet standing by and watching. God is after you. He has always pursued you in all these years, faithfully following, trying to get your attention, always calling you to come home.
~February 6, 2005~
“You are the light of the world.. Your light must shine before others, so that they may see the good you do and praise your Father in heaven.” How has your light bearing and light giving been? What has been the quality of your light? Have people passing your way seen God’s face in your life’s glow? You’ve just ended the first month of the year, your attempts at new beginnings. Be thankful and be hopeful. The life you live is the light you leave the world!
~February 7, 2005~
Good day! As you begin your routine, try to do the little prayer exercise that Fr. De Mello often taught: “Behold God holding you… and smiling.” Quietly do this in your room or prayer space. Let the morning stillness fill you and lead you to the stillness of God’s loving embrace. Stay there. We sometimes get tired – even at prayer – because we try too hard and do things our way. The Lord assures: “I love you just the way you are!” Just stay with Him!
~February 8, 2005~
You are God’s precious one. He holds you in the palm of His hands, carrying you close to His heart. How often do you realize this in your life? When you view your life, realize how one Guiding Hand has always been present and active – leading you to safe and sure paths, offering shelter from the elements. “God loves you with an everlasting love.” Spend the day filled with and assured by God’s love. Let God’s love flow into the people you will meet today.
~February 9, 2005~
Lent begins today with the imposition of ashes. Make today a prayerful experience as you reflect on the powerful symbol of the ashes on your forehead. The ashes remind us of our earthly lives. No matter how talented or powerful we are, we all will come to an end and return to the ground. We are confronted with our vulnerability. We are nothing. In God’s presence, we cannot lay claim to anything. We are humbled. We can only fall on our knees before God.
~February 10, 2005~
In the Gospel today, Jesus tells us: “If you wish to be a follower of mine, deny yourself and take up your cross each day and follow me.” (Lk 9:23) How does that sound to you? Demanding and forceful? There is always both a strength and a gentleness in Jesus’ words. Discipleship, or a relationship with Jesus, entails much giving up and giving away – of our self centered ways. But He waits for us to respond freely, not pushing us but inviting. Stop and listen!
~February 11, 2005~
Happy feast f Our Lady of Lourdes! Lourdes is one of the world’s most visited shrines; famous for its springs that have lead to many cures and miracles. It’s interesting to note that even in winter, the shrine’s springs never freeze. The waters keep flowing in the taps, greeting pilgrims from far and wide. Never giving a chilly bath. Faith’s like that too. Even in our lives’ cold winters, it’s an ever-gushing wellspring that sustains us and gives us life and hope.
~February 12, 2005~
We sometime have a tendency to stay away from “bad” people. We are afraid they will infect or influence us. Thus, we choose to live an antiseptic life. But Jesus reminds us today: “Healthy people don’t need a doctor, but sick people do. I have come to call.. sinners, not the righteous.” Let Jesus’ words touch your heart. Who are the people in your life whom you need to pay more attention to? Who are those whom you are called to help heal?
~February 13, 2005~
Today is the first Sunday of Lent. The season of Lent invites us to a desert experience. As we remember the passion and death of Jesus, we are asked to enter into moments of prayerful solitude. Recall the points in your life when you felt dry and wasted, parched and desolated, and let these bring you to your heart’s many hungers. Deserts are times and places we can be thankful for. They make us seek and appreciate most earnestly even raindrops of God’s grace!
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Kung Hei Fat Choi!
Only an hour left before the "year" ends...
In preparation for the Chinese New Year, I had my hair cut (nagmukha na naman akong mushroom), bought some fruits and made my wish list for the coming year.
All I have to do next is to sit back and let Him do the rest.
Happy new year every one! :) God bless us all.
~~~
I have a new CD – MAHAL KONG RADYO (MKR) by The Company. I was really looking for Kitchie Nadal’s album, kaya lang siyempre out of stock na – not surprising though.
From the MKR album, I got this:
Very sweet… Hopeless na yata talaga ito... :)
Magiging all-time theme song ko ito, promise :)
In preparation for the Chinese New Year, I had my hair cut (nagmukha na naman akong mushroom), bought some fruits and made my wish list for the coming year.
All I have to do next is to sit back and let Him do the rest.
Happy new year every one! :) God bless us all.
~~~
I have a new CD – MAHAL KONG RADYO (MKR) by The Company. I was really looking for Kitchie Nadal’s album, kaya lang siyempre out of stock na – not surprising though.
From the MKR album, I got this:
Very sweet… Hopeless na yata talaga ito... :)
Magiging all-time theme song ko ito, promise :)
Monday, February 07, 2005
Inspiration
From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
~January 10, 2005~
“Lord, what is it that you want me to do for you?” When we ask this question, we don’t really expect an immediate answer. We can only ask again and again in prayer and listen to God speaking in our hearts for the answer. We can also look at our lives. What makes my heart burn? What gives me peace?
Someone said: the point where our heart’s deepest desires and the world’s greatest needs meet is where God is showing His will for us.
See where God’s finger is pointing.
~January 11, 2005~
Not much is known about St. Joseph except that he was a carpenter, Mary’s husband and Jesus’ foster dad.
He was about to divorce Mary when the angel appeared to him in a dream. He stood by Mother and Child and took them to safety. Joseph was a silent character with a great role. He was a source of strength for the family.
No wonder many people consider him a good intercessor and spiritual guide. How can you be a Joseph to others – silent yet a source of strength?
~January 12, 2005~
Before the Chosen people entered the Promised Land they journeyed long and far in the desert. There they endure hunger, thirst, sickness, and despair even questioning God at some point. We can identify with the Israelites in their desert experience. We too face hard and troubling times that test our faith.
It’s good to remember that God accompanies us all in our period of self-discovery and growth. He leads us by the hand into the joy of our Promised Lands
~January 13, 2005~
In Jesus’ time people avoided lepers for fear of being made unclean. A certain physical distance was always maintained when lepers were around.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus stretches out his hand to a leper AND also cures him! Jesus is moved with pity and does something concrete for someone in need.
Ask the Lord to make you more aware of your parts that have grown unfeeling and unresponsive to other people and to Him. Beg Him to touch you and make you clean!
~January 14, 2005~
In the Gospels, sickness is seen as an outward sign of the state of one’s soul. In curing the sick, Jesus tells them that their sins are forgiven.
When you look at your life now, what ails or afflicts you? What blinds, cripples or paralyzes you, especially from within? (Maybe some bad habits or some fears?)
Hear Jesus’ consoling, healing words: “My child, your sins are forgiven.” Jesus even offers to restore you to wellness of body and spirit. Let Him heal you.
~January 15, 2005~
God speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. As you move through the day and end the week, find time to be still.
Spend a few moments relishing the quiet yet active presence of God in your life. Be aware of how God has been part of each moment these past days. Recall the times, which speak to you of God.
Lord, many times, you went to quite places to be with the Father. Maybe this is why you always had the energy to do many things for others. Teach me to be like you.
~January 10, 2005~
“Lord, what is it that you want me to do for you?” When we ask this question, we don’t really expect an immediate answer. We can only ask again and again in prayer and listen to God speaking in our hearts for the answer. We can also look at our lives. What makes my heart burn? What gives me peace?
Someone said: the point where our heart’s deepest desires and the world’s greatest needs meet is where God is showing His will for us.
See where God’s finger is pointing.
~January 11, 2005~
Not much is known about St. Joseph except that he was a carpenter, Mary’s husband and Jesus’ foster dad.
He was about to divorce Mary when the angel appeared to him in a dream. He stood by Mother and Child and took them to safety. Joseph was a silent character with a great role. He was a source of strength for the family.
No wonder many people consider him a good intercessor and spiritual guide. How can you be a Joseph to others – silent yet a source of strength?
~January 12, 2005~
Before the Chosen people entered the Promised Land they journeyed long and far in the desert. There they endure hunger, thirst, sickness, and despair even questioning God at some point. We can identify with the Israelites in their desert experience. We too face hard and troubling times that test our faith.
It’s good to remember that God accompanies us all in our period of self-discovery and growth. He leads us by the hand into the joy of our Promised Lands
~January 13, 2005~
In Jesus’ time people avoided lepers for fear of being made unclean. A certain physical distance was always maintained when lepers were around.
In today’s Gospel, Jesus stretches out his hand to a leper AND also cures him! Jesus is moved with pity and does something concrete for someone in need.
Ask the Lord to make you more aware of your parts that have grown unfeeling and unresponsive to other people and to Him. Beg Him to touch you and make you clean!
~January 14, 2005~
In the Gospels, sickness is seen as an outward sign of the state of one’s soul. In curing the sick, Jesus tells them that their sins are forgiven.
When you look at your life now, what ails or afflicts you? What blinds, cripples or paralyzes you, especially from within? (Maybe some bad habits or some fears?)
Hear Jesus’ consoling, healing words: “My child, your sins are forgiven.” Jesus even offers to restore you to wellness of body and spirit. Let Him heal you.
~January 15, 2005~
God speaks to us in the silence of our hearts. As you move through the day and end the week, find time to be still.
Spend a few moments relishing the quiet yet active presence of God in your life. Be aware of how God has been part of each moment these past days. Recall the times, which speak to you of God.
Lord, many times, you went to quite places to be with the Father. Maybe this is why you always had the energy to do many things for others. Teach me to be like you.
Friday, February 04, 2005
Aura
Arlene's accusing me and toot-toot of being mangagayas.
Panindigan na natin ha? I got this quiz from her site.
Your aura shines Blue!
What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yesterday, nung sinagutan ko ito, sabi red daw aura ko tapos when I answered it again this afternoon naging blue na. Nag-iiba ba ang color ang aura? Nagtatanong lang.
Anyway, I got this definition of aura from Spirit Speaks:
Description of the Aura
The description of the word aura means atmosphere of multi-coloured light called "aureola" and the human aura is a multi-layered energy field that is primarily generated by the spiritual chakra energy centres, which reside within all spirit and what has been the perceived halo effect around the head is called the "numbus", also a small part of the aura is made up by electromagnetic energies that are generated by atoms within matter that give off a small energy field. The aura reflects moods, personality and traits, emotions, general well-being, spiritual abilities and evolution and is made up of several layers or bodies reflecting and relating to different chakra and aspects of our spiritual and material life and nature. For those who can psychically view the aura, it can be seen to visibly brighten and change when for instance we are addressing others, or in some way pulling on the resources of our spirit such as in spiritual healing or meditation or in other activities, as well as in normal daily events of our life.
For more information on aura visit their very informative site here.
Panindigan na natin ha? I got this quiz from her site.
Your aura shines Blue!
What Color Is Your Aura?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yesterday, nung sinagutan ko ito, sabi red daw aura ko tapos when I answered it again this afternoon naging blue na. Nag-iiba ba ang color ang aura? Nagtatanong lang.
Anyway, I got this definition of aura from Spirit Speaks:
Description of the Aura
The description of the word aura means atmosphere of multi-coloured light called "aureola" and the human aura is a multi-layered energy field that is primarily generated by the spiritual chakra energy centres, which reside within all spirit and what has been the perceived halo effect around the head is called the "numbus", also a small part of the aura is made up by electromagnetic energies that are generated by atoms within matter that give off a small energy field. The aura reflects moods, personality and traits, emotions, general well-being, spiritual abilities and evolution and is made up of several layers or bodies reflecting and relating to different chakra and aspects of our spiritual and material life and nature. For those who can psychically view the aura, it can be seen to visibly brighten and change when for instance we are addressing others, or in some way pulling on the resources of our spirit such as in spiritual healing or meditation or in other activities, as well as in normal daily events of our life.
For more information on aura visit their very informative site here.
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
A not so important entry
May sasabihin akong hindi importante.
Situation # 1:
Months ago, I promised my cousin that I would give her some money to buy something. She made me promised that by December mabibigay ko na. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances naging installment. I gave her (another) partial amount last week though my mom. When I saw her last weekend, she did not mention anything to me, actually she did not say anything to me, not even a small hi. I asked my mom kung nabigay na niya yung partial amount she said "yes" naman.
Situation # 2:
My boss usually ask me to do something for him. I would gladly do anything for him and he knows it. Kaya lang, instead of saying thank you, masisisi or masisigawan ka pa kung mali yung ginawa mo.
What’s the point?
Nothing. I know for a fact that real giving means expecting nothing in return. Forgive me for saying this, but deep inside me I was expecting for something from them. I was expecting that they would say “thank you”. A simple thank you would do.
It seems that these two words are slowly being eaten up by the fast-changing world and I, being a “manang” – as termed by my mom, cannot cope up.
Sayang noh? For me kasi, a sincere thank you means a lot.
It means:
“I appreciate you”
“I am grateful”
“I recognize your effort”
and many more.
Siguro matandain lang talaga ako.. an old-fashion and weird toddler inside a woman’s body. Or maybe, I haven’t reached the maturity stage where I know the real meaning of giving noh?
I go for the second theory. Or whatever :-/ basta.
O let's move on. Next entry please…
Situation # 1:
Months ago, I promised my cousin that I would give her some money to buy something. She made me promised that by December mabibigay ko na. Unfortunately, due to some unforeseen circumstances naging installment. I gave her (another) partial amount last week though my mom. When I saw her last weekend, she did not mention anything to me, actually she did not say anything to me, not even a small hi. I asked my mom kung nabigay na niya yung partial amount she said "yes" naman.
Situation # 2:
My boss usually ask me to do something for him. I would gladly do anything for him and he knows it. Kaya lang, instead of saying thank you, masisisi or masisigawan ka pa kung mali yung ginawa mo.
What’s the point?
Nothing. I know for a fact that real giving means expecting nothing in return. Forgive me for saying this, but deep inside me I was expecting for something from them. I was expecting that they would say “thank you”. A simple thank you would do.
It seems that these two words are slowly being eaten up by the fast-changing world and I, being a “manang” – as termed by my mom, cannot cope up.
Sayang noh? For me kasi, a sincere thank you means a lot.
It means:
“I appreciate you”
“I am grateful”
“I recognize your effort”
and many more.
Siguro matandain lang talaga ako.. an old-fashion and weird toddler inside a woman’s body. Or maybe, I haven’t reached the maturity stage where I know the real meaning of giving noh?
I go for the second theory. Or whatever :-/ basta.
O let's move on. Next entry please…
Monday, January 31, 2005
Stairway to where?
Basta!
Anyway, I still have 334 days to look forward to before the year ends (again). I hope I can do something that is in line with my purpose/shape - though I still have no idea what it is :). So, help me God.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
When you believe
Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could whoa yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speakin words
I never thought Id say
They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hope for a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know theres much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could whoa yes
There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
You will when you believe
In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now Im standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speakin words
I never thought Id say
They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fears
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see the way, get through the rain
A small but still, resilient voice
Says hope is very near, oh
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Kung puwede lang…
I was able to have a conversation with him last night through text messaging.
We talked about a lot of things.
God! I miss him so much! If only I could tell him how much I love him
~~~
Kung pwede ko lang sabihin na “mahal na mahal kita, pwedeng mahalin mo rin ako?” nagawa ko na. Pero siyempre, ndi ko sinabi. Nahihiya ako :) – yup! Marunong na ulit ako mahiya :)
We talked about a lot of things.
God! I miss him so much! If only I could tell him how much I love him
~~~
Kung pwede ko lang sabihin na “mahal na mahal kita, pwedeng mahalin mo rin ako?” nagawa ko na. Pero siyempre, ndi ko sinabi. Nahihiya ako :) – yup! Marunong na ulit ako mahiya :)
Monday, January 24, 2005
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