A weekend of closure

Last Friday, I received a call from Mark. It came in as a nice surprise since the last time I talked with him was in November 2005. In between that date and now, I only saw him once, while he was crossing the street in San Pablo City and talked with him twice, both through text. Now, I am glad that the line of communication between us is open again. However, I have to say that I am not too keen on becoming too close to him, or even just plain close. Our closeness many years ago cost me a lot, and I cannot let that happen again.

The purpose driven life said that we are instructed by God to immediately forgive the person who hurt us. But it was also emphasized that we have the right not to allow that same person to hurt us again. I don’t even think he wants it nor is proper to do just that. It is also my way of showing respect to him and his wife. :)

Looking back now, if I will be asked the question “Have you fallen out of love of him?” My answer would be “No”. I am and will (probably) forever be in love with the Mark that I have loved so many years ago. But things are different now. The Mark whom I have talked to last Friday is a stranger. Except for his name, I don’t know him anymore.

I remember some months ago when Rinka and I were discussing things, she mentioned that she is not a reconnector of relationships. I said to her that I am also like that – once broken, I let go, it may take time but I let go and things will never be the same. I am proud to say, however, that I am an establisher. I strengthen the relationships that I have that are not broken.

May be in the future, things will be different. Right now, I am thankful with what I have.

~~~

My college best friend died last Saturday. Her body succumbed to leukemia. My heart cries for the family that she left behind. But my heart rejoices for her because I know that wherever she is right now, she has seen the beauty and felt the love of her God.

Until we meet again, Len. Thank you so much for all the wonderful and happy memories. Please send my deepest love to Jena. Please tell her how much I miss her.

~~~

The “Episodes” ended mid August. No words were mentioned about it. It ended just like that. I was affected for about a month. But I have accepted the fact that nothing will ever come out of it. It’s just that during the times that we were “together”, he made me feel very very special and beautiful. No one has ever done that to me – well, not that much. :) I am a lady whenever I am with him. And just like all stories, it ended. Kinalabit na ako ni Lord. Enough na daw. :)

Grants RTD

MBFI Reflection #2

The recently held Grants Roundtable Discussion gave me a bird’s eye view of who the beneficiaries of the Foundation are and their advocacies. It is very inspiring to know that the organization I am connected with has touched the lives of people in different sectors of the society through its benevolent works. The concept of “paying it forward” was manifested in the institutions and foundations being helped by the Foundation as they carry on their own advocacies to create a massive and global change in their own way.

Since we were informed beforehand that we were to submit a reflection paper after the roundtable, my first thought was to look for a foundation whose advocacy would correspond to my own interests, which were child development, education and environment.

I was familiar with the Family Farm School because one of our requirements to be able to complete a course in college was a module specifically made for them. It was just unfortunate that their president was not able to present his organization because I was really looking forward to hearing about the success of their projects for the farmers’ children.

Cartwheel and Trichet impressed me not only because they have catered to the special needs of the indigenous people and the special children, respectively, but also because the people behind these two organizations were, to some extent, the unlikely people to be involved in these kinds of work. When asked why did they stay and continue doing what they are doing, they both answered that their love for children made everything seem easy. They both wanted their beneficiaries to gain the respect that are due to them. I realized that these beliefs coincide with the Foundation’s mission of “supporting programs which strengthen the core sectors of the society as well as respond to the needs of the disadvantaged.”

On a more personal note, this roundtable provided a venue for me to start my healing process on the death of my cousin. While working at the SOS Foundation she was diagnosed of having nasopharyngeal cancer. She underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy for more than a year before she passed away March last year. Due probably to the chemicals injected to her, the treatment left her bedridden and depressed. I started looking for an organization or a support group that would help her and our family cope with all the strains that we were experiencing that time in dealing with her sickness.

It was very unfortunate that I became aware of Carewell Community only during the Grants Roundtable. Should I know about the services they offer to those with cancer (and their families), my cousin would have probably died happy. This, however, did not prevent me from being thankful to the founder of Carewell Community. It is encouraging to know that the Philippines has this kind of institution that promotes physical, emotional and even spiritual wellness among those who are stricken with cancer.

I have always believed that all things in this world are interconnected. The goodness that we do and the person that we become after are results of previous goodness that we have experienced. As the old adage goes, goodness begets goodness. In 1969, Margaret Mead said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." The principle of “paying it forward” as adopted by the Metrobank Foundation would initiate a butterfly effect that would uplift the lives of the people and of the society in general.

~~~

Rosalindas of the Foundation

Me, Malou, Trish and Marge

The GEAPH Team

Khalid, Me, Aviec and Gloria

SFC Bicutan Upper Household Planning

Farewell

Dear Jena,

I have so many things to say but I haven’t had the time to fix my thoughts yet. So kwentuhan na lang kita, even though I know that you know what has been going on since last week.

They asked me to give a simple eulogy on behalf of your Ina and Ama. Your brother, Jeric, was given a beautiful and touching funeral and we, your cousins, also want you to have one. Marielle bought half of those balloons. She was probably hoping that you would see how beautiful they were up there. Rafael Troy, my inaanak, was scolding Daniel Troy for not “properly” taking care of you (they were both 8 years old). Jayjay, Gian, Patrick and Boy stayed up late for several nights just to sit beside you. Gello, Mae-mae and Dana begged their parents to let them miss classes to be with you and many others. You know how our family copes during time of crisis.

After expressing gratitude to those who came to give their sympathies and prayers, I told them a little something about you. I told them about your preference for beautiful things. Although it came as no surprise since you were also a beauty yourself.

I told them about our discussion during one of your chemo sessions. The one where you said, “Ate, siguro may dahilan ang Diyos kung bakit ako may sakit ng ganito, ano?” You didn’t know how surprised I was when I heard that from you. I wasn’t used to discussing God’s plan with any of our cousins least alone with you. Well, at least not yet, until you made that statement.

I have always believed that God made us for a reason. I am glad that before you left, you became aware that God has this wonderful plan for each and every one of us. In a way, I envy you. You have already fulfilled your purpose and you have done it with flying colors. Samantalang ako, I am still looking for my purpose. Still wondering why God made me.

Sabi nga nila, mourning is for the living. We mourn for ourselves. We mourn because we will not be seeing you for quite a while. We mourn because we will miss you so much. On the other hand, I am very happy for you. I know how you love life but wherever you are right now, I am sure you’re happier because you’re already home.

We thank God because he has given us the chance to know and be with you during your stay here on earth. I know you are up there somewhere watching over us. Please hug Lolo Ciano and Jeric for us. Au revoir. We love you so much. See you in our dreams.

Love,

Ate

Dear Jena

Hi. I do not want to ask you how you are doing right now simply because I know that you’re not fine. I don’t know if you are aware but your ate is a coward. Since our talk last December, after I got out of the hospital, I know that your health is deteriorating. I cannot bear witnessing that because I have this image of you being a strong and healthy young lady. I know you since you were born. We grew up together. We may not have the same outlooks in life or follow the same fashion statement, but I know that we are closer than close.

I have always admired your guts, your will and your single mindedness. Alam mo ba yun? Minsan lang kitang nakitang umiyak before ka nagkasakit. Natatandaan mo ba yun? I’ll always remember that. Kasi dun ko nakita that you’re also human. Isang beses lang and I know that I couldn’t bear seeing more. Yet when you got sick, I have been a witness to a dozen more maybe. Inay and Taluts and your Ina have witnessed much more than that. I hope you understand that I am weak. You may have noticed that lately every time I see you, I shed tears. I cannot even look at you without crying. You do not know how much I hurt just seeing you in pain.

I have always asked God to give me healing hands. Para I can cure sick people. I don’t know if He has given me that though I’m still praying for it. I’ve always prayed for you to be healed completely. Now I’m loosing hope. I do not know what to ask God anymore. I am torn as to whether to pray for your complete healing or just pray for you to be with Him. Because I know that with Him, you will be free from all the pains you’re experiencing now. In the end I just prayed for His will to be done.

I miss you so so very much. Everytime I see young ladies who are so vibrant and cheerful, I remember you. I remember you in their smiles and in their girly features. I wish I could see you in that state again. The one where you are so knock-out fashionable and so mataray and so snobbish looking. I wouldn’t mind, promise. Because I know deep inside you have a super soft heart and a super sensitive nature. I wish we could talk and discuss again about anything under the sun – about our loves and crushes, about our other cousins who are so super malalandi (according to our and Taluts standards), about our family, and about our life. Anything.

I still pray for your complete healing. I don’t think I can stop praying for that. For whatever answer He will give us, always remember that I love you so much. So so much. We will always love you.

Love,

Ate

Favor please

Please offer a simple prayer for the complete healing of my cousin, Jenalyn L. Brion. She has cancer.

Every little prayer that you will offer will be greatly appreciated by me and my family. May the good Lord bless and keep you.

Thank you very much and mizpah.