Last Friday, I received a call from Mark. It came in as a nice surprise since the last time I talked with him was in November 2005. In between that date and now, I only saw him once, while he was crossing the street in San Pablo City and talked with him twice, both through text. Now, I am glad that the line of communication between us is open again. However, I have to say that I am not too keen on becoming too close to him, or even just plain close. Our closeness many years ago cost me a lot, and I cannot let that happen again.
The purpose driven life said that we are instructed by God to immediately forgive the person who hurt us. But it was also emphasized that we have the right not to allow that same person to hurt us again. I don’t even think he wants it nor is proper to do just that. It is also my way of showing respect to him and his wife. :)
Looking back now, if I will be asked the question “Have you fallen out of love of him?” My answer would be “No”. I am and will (probably) forever be in love with the Mark that I have loved so many years ago. But things are different now. The Mark whom I have talked to last Friday is a stranger. Except for his name, I don’t know him anymore.
I remember some months ago when Rinka and I were discussing things, she mentioned that she is not a reconnector of relationships. I said to her that I am also like that – once broken, I let go, it may take time but I let go and things will never be the same. I am proud to say, however, that I am an establisher. I strengthen the relationships that I have that are not broken.
May be in the future, things will be different. Right now, I am thankful with what I have.
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My college best friend died last Saturday. Her body succumbed to leukemia. My heart cries for the family that she left behind. But my heart rejoices for her because I know that wherever she is right now, she has seen the beauty and felt the love of her God.
Until we meet again, Len. Thank you so much for all the wonderful and happy memories. Please send my deepest love to Jena. Please tell her how much I miss her.
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The “Episodes” ended mid August. No words were mentioned about it. It ended just like that. I was affected for about a month. But I have accepted the fact that nothing will ever come out of it. It’s just that during the times that we were “together”, he made me feel very very special and beautiful. No one has ever done that to me – well, not that much. :) I am a lady whenever I am with him. And just like all stories, it ended. Kinalabit na ako ni Lord. Enough na daw. :)