Tuesday, December 28, 2004

After Christmas blues

Arlene hates me. I accidentally dropped her cell phone in a basin full of water :( of course it’s not working. But it was really an accident :( promise…

~~~

Wishes

Ø Birthday wish (December 12, 2004): --
Ø Wishing fountain (November 25, 2004, Eastwood): --
Ø Falling star (December 23, 2004): --
Ø A kiss from a yellow butterfly (December 14, 2004): --
Ø 9-morning masses (December 16 – 23, 2004): I did not complete this. I tried so hard to wake up every morning since the simbang gabi started but on the 9th day, I did not wake up. I cried but I was assured that “God will do the rest” naman.

~~~

Dear you: Hi. Can I ask you a favor? I know for you this is very trivial but can you please, please ask her to stop sending me text messages. I don’t know if you will ever understand why I’m asking you this, pero kung hindi man, nakikiusap at nagmamakaawa ako na huwag niyo na naman akong i-text, please… alam mo naman na hanggang ngayon ay mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Higit pa sa buhay ko. I know her intentions are well but every time kasi na nakakareceive ako ng message from either of you, the world that I am building crumbles down into pieces again. I have no plans of bothering you. Wala kong balak mang-gulo. It’s just that sobrang nahihirapan lang talaga ako. Sobrang hirap na hirap in forgetting you. If only I could teach my heart to stop loving you nagawa ko na. Kaya lang matagal ang processing ng puso ko. I am not angry with you or her. Probably time will come when I can talk to you again pero wag nyo naman akong pilitin na ngayon. Kasi kung ngayon, magmamakaawa lang ulit ako na mahalin mo ako. You see I have to cope up dun sa memories that keep on hunting me. Everything reminds me of you. Tapos dadagdagan nyo pa, baka hindi ko na kayanin. I was begging Him yesterday to please get me na. Hindi ko lang alam kung matutupad yun. But I was really begging Him. Hindi ko na alam dapat isipin. I’m back to hell again -- sleepless nights and all.

My friend told me that we now live in two very different seasons, you being in the summer season and me in the winter. I have not yet seen the end of this very very cold night. I only have my family, friends and Him to light and comfort me in this darkness. Don’t be the wind that blows the light off my candle. Please…

Mood: depressed and weepy and sad and lonely and lost and...

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