Senseless rambling

I envy him.
I envy him for being a happy soul while I’m still trying to find my way out of this pit.
I envy him for being at peace while I’m still trying to put my self to sleep every night.
I envy him for moving on so fast while I’m still trying to drag my self from despair.

I envy them.

~~~

I once read that you never really grow up; you just learn how to act in public (unknown).

I have my own version. Let me share it to you. Don’t think that the pain or suffering of a person fades or vanishes through time, he/she just learn how to act in public.

I know. I keep on saying that every thing would be all right. I keep on convincing myself that I’ll be ok in time. But I’m still here. I’m back to where I’ve started.

I wish my second mind would just leave. Because after the hellish process of convincing my first mind that He is really gone, my second mind would butt-in and tell me that probably there is still hope. I wish she would just leave me alone and let me wallow now than suffer more in the future.

I wish I could forget everything.

I wish God would bless me with more patience.