Forgive THEN forget

I went to Ateneo last Saturday with my parents because they had to meet someone there. Since saling-kit lang ako and was not included in their meeting, I had 2 whole hours for my self. The night before this trip I made an appointment with Him. Sabi ko usap kami. I need to talk with Him. Not to Him but with Him. I need to know that He is there, listening. Kung pwede nga lang I need Him to answer me, in anyway possible, basta lang marerecognize ng ultra-small-sized brain ko.

I spent the first hour inside the Church of Gesu - I so miss the place. I’ve been there siguro less than 10 times lang when I was still studying there. Mejo out of the way kasi sa mga classrooms ko. The place was so quiet and so simple. There were only two prominent things inside the chapel, the Jesus on the Cross image in front and the holy water fountain at the back.

Inside the chapel, I talked, I complained, I justified my thoughts and deeds, even my emotions. When I finished with the talking/complaining (to my amazement, not a single lightning hit me), I just sat there. Then I received a text from Omlet, it says: tell God all that’s in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart to a dear friend. No problem since I was already doing that at that particular moment.

On the same text message was this: He who can’t forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. Now herewith lies the problem.

I once considered my self as a forgiving person, now I think forgetful is a much more appropriate term to be used because I easily forget things. Lately, I realized that with this attitude I haven’t forgiven at all, I was just putting everything inside hoping that they would stay there without bursting open. So, that’s why I’ve been so restless. I don’t deal with them, I bury them. I realized that forgetting should not come before forgiving. It should come after the forgiveness took place.

Anyway, part of my supplication was for Him to help me let go and move on. He told me last Saturday that in order to do the things I was asking, I must forgive - him and myself - first, then everything else will follow.

My response upon realizing this was: “Hay Lord, ang hirap naman po…” followed by a very deep sigh. *sigh*

When I opened my bible, it opened to Mark 16:6-20.

14 Afterward He appeared to the Eleven as they reclined. And He reproached their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen.

Another cut and He gave me Mark 8:11-12.

11 And the Pharisees came forth, and began to question with him, seeking of him a sign from heaven, tempting him. 12 And he sighed deeply in his spirit, and saith, Why doth this generation seek after a sign? verily I say unto you, There shall no sign be given unto this generation.

I ended my stay there with another prayer. This time, I asked Him to lead the way and hold my hand.

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However, my story did not end there. Yesterday, I attended the mass and the reading came from Matthew 18: 21 – 35. And that's right. It's still all about forgiving.

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Aba! pag hindi pa naman tumatak sa isip ko ito ewan ko na :)

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Ate Baby’s pregnant :) Natutuwa naman me promise! :) Another baby on the way! Yay!

Hay… ako na lang natitira *argh!* Lagot.