I Know Him By Heart

Vonda Shepard
Paul williams and Jon Vezner

Theres a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I've kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
till my dream becomes a vision
And the love I feel
Makes him real someday

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can't see
If I compromise, I'd be living lies
Pretending he's not meant to be
Cause I know my hearts worth saving
And I know that he'll be waiting
So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong till then

Cause I know he's out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I've never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we've never been together
We've never been apart

No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we've never met
Haven't found him yet
But I know him by heart

Farewell

Dear Jena,

I have so many things to say but I haven’t had the time to fix my thoughts yet. So kwentuhan na lang kita, even though I know that you know what has been going on since last week.

They asked me to give a simple eulogy on behalf of your Ina and Ama. Your brother, Jeric, was given a beautiful and touching funeral and we, your cousins, also want you to have one. Marielle bought half of those balloons. She was probably hoping that you would see how beautiful they were up there. Rafael Troy, my inaanak, was scolding Daniel Troy for not “properly” taking care of you (they were both 8 years old). Jayjay, Gian, Patrick and Boy stayed up late for several nights just to sit beside you. Gello, Mae-mae and Dana begged their parents to let them miss classes to be with you and many others. You know how our family copes during time of crisis.

After expressing gratitude to those who came to give their sympathies and prayers, I told them a little something about you. I told them about your preference for beautiful things. Although it came as no surprise since you were also a beauty yourself.

I told them about our discussion during one of your chemo sessions. The one where you said, “Ate, siguro may dahilan ang Diyos kung bakit ako may sakit ng ganito, ano?” You didn’t know how surprised I was when I heard that from you. I wasn’t used to discussing God’s plan with any of our cousins least alone with you. Well, at least not yet, until you made that statement.

I have always believed that God made us for a reason. I am glad that before you left, you became aware that God has this wonderful plan for each and every one of us. In a way, I envy you. You have already fulfilled your purpose and you have done it with flying colors. Samantalang ako, I am still looking for my purpose. Still wondering why God made me.

Sabi nga nila, mourning is for the living. We mourn for ourselves. We mourn because we will not be seeing you for quite a while. We mourn because we will miss you so much. On the other hand, I am very happy for you. I know how you love life but wherever you are right now, I am sure you’re happier because you’re already home.

We thank God because he has given us the chance to know and be with you during your stay here on earth. I know you are up there somewhere watching over us. Please hug Lolo Ciano and Jeric for us. Au revoir. We love you so much. See you in our dreams.

Love,

Ate

Dear Jena

Hi. I do not want to ask you how you are doing right now simply because I know that you’re not fine. I don’t know if you are aware but your ate is a coward. Since our talk last December, after I got out of the hospital, I know that your health is deteriorating. I cannot bear witnessing that because I have this image of you being a strong and healthy young lady. I know you since you were born. We grew up together. We may not have the same outlooks in life or follow the same fashion statement, but I know that we are closer than close.

I have always admired your guts, your will and your single mindedness. Alam mo ba yun? Minsan lang kitang nakitang umiyak before ka nagkasakit. Natatandaan mo ba yun? I’ll always remember that. Kasi dun ko nakita that you’re also human. Isang beses lang and I know that I couldn’t bear seeing more. Yet when you got sick, I have been a witness to a dozen more maybe. Inay and Taluts and your Ina have witnessed much more than that. I hope you understand that I am weak. You may have noticed that lately every time I see you, I shed tears. I cannot even look at you without crying. You do not know how much I hurt just seeing you in pain.

I have always asked God to give me healing hands. Para I can cure sick people. I don’t know if He has given me that though I’m still praying for it. I’ve always prayed for you to be healed completely. Now I’m loosing hope. I do not know what to ask God anymore. I am torn as to whether to pray for your complete healing or just pray for you to be with Him. Because I know that with Him, you will be free from all the pains you’re experiencing now. In the end I just prayed for His will to be done.

I miss you so so very much. Everytime I see young ladies who are so vibrant and cheerful, I remember you. I remember you in their smiles and in their girly features. I wish I could see you in that state again. The one where you are so knock-out fashionable and so mataray and so snobbish looking. I wouldn’t mind, promise. Because I know deep inside you have a super soft heart and a super sensitive nature. I wish we could talk and discuss again about anything under the sun – about our loves and crushes, about our other cousins who are so super malalandi (according to our and Taluts standards), about our family, and about our life. Anything.

I still pray for your complete healing. I don’t think I can stop praying for that. For whatever answer He will give us, always remember that I love you so much. So so much. We will always love you.

Love,

Ate

Dig this!

In a span of three months, two people asked me to be their Maid of Honor. One is to be married on July 28 and the other one is tentatively scheduled in December.

Who am I to refuse? Ayt?

My answer to both: "I'd be very happy to be your Maid of Honor"

:)

~~~

I heard baby Carlo just had his hair cut. :) will post pictures here next week.