Dear Jena

Hi. I do not want to ask you how you are doing right now simply because I know that you’re not fine. I don’t know if you are aware but your ate is a coward. Since our talk last December, after I got out of the hospital, I know that your health is deteriorating. I cannot bear witnessing that because I have this image of you being a strong and healthy young lady. I know you since you were born. We grew up together. We may not have the same outlooks in life or follow the same fashion statement, but I know that we are closer than close.

I have always admired your guts, your will and your single mindedness. Alam mo ba yun? Minsan lang kitang nakitang umiyak before ka nagkasakit. Natatandaan mo ba yun? I’ll always remember that. Kasi dun ko nakita that you’re also human. Isang beses lang and I know that I couldn’t bear seeing more. Yet when you got sick, I have been a witness to a dozen more maybe. Inay and Taluts and your Ina have witnessed much more than that. I hope you understand that I am weak. You may have noticed that lately every time I see you, I shed tears. I cannot even look at you without crying. You do not know how much I hurt just seeing you in pain.

I have always asked God to give me healing hands. Para I can cure sick people. I don’t know if He has given me that though I’m still praying for it. I’ve always prayed for you to be healed completely. Now I’m loosing hope. I do not know what to ask God anymore. I am torn as to whether to pray for your complete healing or just pray for you to be with Him. Because I know that with Him, you will be free from all the pains you’re experiencing now. In the end I just prayed for His will to be done.

I miss you so so very much. Everytime I see young ladies who are so vibrant and cheerful, I remember you. I remember you in their smiles and in their girly features. I wish I could see you in that state again. The one where you are so knock-out fashionable and so mataray and so snobbish looking. I wouldn’t mind, promise. Because I know deep inside you have a super soft heart and a super sensitive nature. I wish we could talk and discuss again about anything under the sun – about our loves and crushes, about our other cousins who are so super malalandi (according to our and Taluts standards), about our family, and about our life. Anything.

I still pray for your complete healing. I don’t think I can stop praying for that. For whatever answer He will give us, always remember that I love you so much. So so much. We will always love you.

Love,

Ate