from: www.dictionary.com
de·pres·sion (d-prshn)
n.
1. The act of depressing or the state of being depressed.
2. A reduction in physiological vigor or activity.
3. A lowering in amount, degree, or position.
4. An inward displacement of a body part.
5. A hollow or sunken area.
6. The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
7. A psychotic or neurotic condition characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, and feelings of extreme sadness, dejection, and hopelessness.
and
sadness (sd-nes)
n.
1. Affected or characterized by sorrow or unhappiness.
2. Expressive of sorrow or unhappiness.
3. Causing sorrow or gloom; depressing: a sad movie; sad news.
4. Deplorable; sorry: a sad state of affairs; a sad excuse.
5. Dark-hued; somber.
~~~
therefore:
sadness + sadness + sadness + sadness + sadness = depression
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Lent
People close to me know that I like Lent better than Christmas. I have nothing against the latter but in our very materialistic world Christmas has become more and more inclined to the thought of giving gifts - mostly material things. Its true meaning has been over ridden by questions such as: “what is your gift to me?” and “how much it costs?”
Then there’s Lent. For forty days, we are encouraged to give more than material gifts. We are asked to make effort to be a little bit kinder to each other, to be a little bit patient and to be one with Christ in His suffering to save us.
It’s like having a date with Him and having a grand time.
~~~
Tuesday.
A number of people, especially Arlene and Ilen, have been encouraging me to watch the film, The Passion of the Christ since it’s release last year, but I can’t. I don’t have the guts to watch my Lord go through all the pain, the torment and the persecution because of me. I just can’t. Yup! A first class coward.
So, armored with a bit of courage, I watched the film. It broke my heart but I’m glad I did watch.
It was when He accepted the Father’s will and said “Thy will be done” that made all the difference. His perfect, unfailing and wonderful love behind the torment made everything else possible.
The love surrounding the cross –His love - saved us. Along with that is the love at the foot of the cross, which encourages us to be strong in every step of the way to be closer to Him.
~~~
Wednesday.
Inay, my beloved and amazing grandmother, turned 69. I pray for her, long life and more love :)
~~~
Thursday.
It is a yearly tradition of the family to visit at least seven churches within Laguna to do Bisita Iglesia. This year we visited eight: (1) St. Peter’s Seminary (2) Carmelite (3) Church in Rizal, Laguna (4) Church in Nagcarlan, Laguna (5) Saint Francis of Assisi Church in San Francisco, Calihan (6) Saint Paul The First Hermit - San Pablo Cathedral (7) Nuestra Señora delos Remedios (8) Nestra Señora del Pilar
It was being with Him and with my family at the same time.
~~~
Saturday.
Went to Nazareth Bahay Pag-ibig. I just love Lola Inday and Lola Soledad :)
~~~
Sunday.
We had to wake up early – like 3:30am to go to the plaza. We attended mass after witnessing the removal of the mourning veil of Mama Mary by an angel (a little girl of about 3 to 4 years old) for Christ has risen :) Happy Easter!
Then there’s Lent. For forty days, we are encouraged to give more than material gifts. We are asked to make effort to be a little bit kinder to each other, to be a little bit patient and to be one with Christ in His suffering to save us.
It’s like having a date with Him and having a grand time.
~~~
Tuesday.
A number of people, especially Arlene and Ilen, have been encouraging me to watch the film, The Passion of the Christ since it’s release last year, but I can’t. I don’t have the guts to watch my Lord go through all the pain, the torment and the persecution because of me. I just can’t. Yup! A first class coward.
So, armored with a bit of courage, I watched the film. It broke my heart but I’m glad I did watch.
It was when He accepted the Father’s will and said “Thy will be done” that made all the difference. His perfect, unfailing and wonderful love behind the torment made everything else possible.
The love surrounding the cross –His love - saved us. Along with that is the love at the foot of the cross, which encourages us to be strong in every step of the way to be closer to Him.
~~~
Wednesday.
Inay, my beloved and amazing grandmother, turned 69. I pray for her, long life and more love :)
~~~
Thursday.
It is a yearly tradition of the family to visit at least seven churches within Laguna to do Bisita Iglesia. This year we visited eight: (1) St. Peter’s Seminary (2) Carmelite (3) Church in Rizal, Laguna (4) Church in Nagcarlan, Laguna (5) Saint Francis of Assisi Church in San Francisco, Calihan (6) Saint Paul The First Hermit - San Pablo Cathedral (7) Nuestra Señora delos Remedios (8) Nestra Señora del Pilar
It was being with Him and with my family at the same time.
~~~
Saturday.
Went to Nazareth Bahay Pag-ibig. I just love Lola Inday and Lola Soledad :)
~~~
Sunday.
We had to wake up early – like 3:30am to go to the plaza. We attended mass after witnessing the removal of the mourning veil of Mama Mary by an angel (a little girl of about 3 to 4 years old) for Christ has risen :) Happy Easter!
Monday, March 21, 2005
Kung Ibig Mo Akong Makilala
Ruth Elynia S. Mabanglo, 1988
Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
ang titig kong dagat—
yumayapos nang mahigpit sa bawat saglit
ng kahapon ko’t bukas.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala
sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
at sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil,
ibangon ako at saka palayain.
Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
may suhay ng tuwa’t ang kaluwalhatia’y
walang takda—
ialay mo lahat ito sa akin
kung mahal mo ako’t ibig kilalanin.
Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
umilanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa—
hubad ako roon: mula ulo hanggang paa.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
ang titig kong dagat—
yumayapos nang mahigpit sa bawat saglit
ng kahapon ko’t bukas.
Kung ibig mo akong makilala
sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
at sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil,
ibangon ako at saka palayain.
Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
may suhay ng tuwa’t ang kaluwalhatia’y
walang takda—
ialay mo lahat ito sa akin
kung mahal mo ako’t ibig kilalanin.
Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
umilanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa—
hubad ako roon: mula ulo hanggang paa.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Numb
Nothing moves me. I can only truly feel something when it involves sadness and anger. I have been very irritable, clumsy and forgetful these past few weeks. I hate myself for having these “abnormalities”. I'm numb... too numb to feel and write anything. Until when this will last? :'( Sana matapos na. I longed to feel the excitement of being alive again.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
...
From a forwarded email:
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"
"I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one-day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have arequirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd."No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully.Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago. The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant.
Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school. Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life. It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs." Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."
Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so. I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her.
At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me. However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes. Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got something to tell you," I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"
"I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!"
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement, which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one-day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce, which had obsessed me for several weeks, seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again. She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken. She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have arequirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning." I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd."No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully.Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son." I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer. On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now." She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head. Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old." I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy." I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you." Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry.
I walked downstairs and drove to the office. When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife, which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."
Friday, March 04, 2005
Stubborn love
Kathy Troccoli
*Love song ko ke Lord :)*
Caught again. Your faithless friend.
Don't You ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray,
But what can I say?
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times
I've caused You pain.
The "forgive me" sounds so empty
When I never change.
Yet You stay and say, "I love you still,"
Forgiving me time and time again.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your stubborn love.
Funny me.
Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You,
You were loving me.
Sometimes I cry -
You must cry, too
when You see the broken promises
I've made to you.
I keep saying that I'll trust You
Though I seldom do.
Yet You stay and say You love me still,
Knowing some day I'll be like You.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me.
And You never let me go -
I believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love!
*Love song ko ke Lord :)*
Caught again. Your faithless friend.
Don't You ever tire of hearing
What a fool I've been?
Guess I should pray,
But what can I say?
Oh, it hurts to know the hundred times
I've caused You pain.
The "forgive me" sounds so empty
When I never change.
Yet You stay and say, "I love you still,"
Forgiving me time and time again.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me
How I long for Your stubborn love.
Funny me.
Just couldn't see
Even long before I knew You,
You were loving me.
Sometimes I cry -
You must cry, too
when You see the broken promises
I've made to you.
I keep saying that I'll trust You
Though I seldom do.
Yet You stay and say You love me still,
Knowing some day I'll be like You.
CHORUS:
It's Your stubborn love
That never lets go of me.
I don't understand how You can stay -
Perfect love embracing the worst in me.
And You never let me go -
I believe I finally know
I can't live without Your stubborn love!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Going home
It’s 9:15 pm and I’m still here in the office. No official whatsoever, I just have to help an officemate to do something for her kid.
I’m tired and hungry and sleepy and tired and hungry and sleepy and… oh yeah, bored too. I still have to wake up really early for a meeting tomorrow at the Manila area but I have to post something first. Should be yesterday pa nga eh kaya lang I’m having problems with my boss these days.
Anyhow, I went to Los Baños last Monday to pass my application for a graduate course at UPOU. The third time I went there without him.
*Recalling the events as well as the emotions involved*
~~~
September 24, 2004. I was hopeful then that he would change his mind and come back – but he didn’t and the pain was beyond compare.
October 18, 2004. My parents saw how dreadful I was at the thought of going back to “our” place that even though I did not ask, they volunteered and accompanied me there. Just the thought of being at the place where memories still linger made my muscles shiver and my bones rattle – it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Sobrang nakakapraning.
CS Lewis, in his book, Grief Observed wrote that: “grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restless, the yawning… I keep on swallowing.”
That was exactly how I felt then. I still feel those things but not as frequent.
February 28, 2005. I was neither hopeful nor scared. I was, in fact, thrilled of going “home.”
~~~
I love UPLB and I don’t think I would ever stop loving it. Oh yes, the place still reminds me of him but it has it’s very own magic that never fails to place me in a trance.
Arlenie’s kind enough to accompany me there twice – during the 1st and 3rd time – even though I know she’s not exactly thrilled of going back. Salamat po. Thank you for steadying me up when the “shivering” and the “rattling” hit.
I also have to say thank you to Jaike and Riza (LB-based friends) for making me feel that I’m not alone there. Yung feeling na kahit anong mangyari, basta pumunta ako dun they will always be there to make me smile.
Friends are part of the charm that encircles UPLB. Kahit na we have our own lives na, we are certain that we would be there to support each other through the good and especially the not so good times.
~~~
siyempre may pictures!
with Arlenie and Riza (and also yung baby - ndi pa kita kasi he is still inside his mom's tummy :)
not the "original" oble but he will do for now. next time na lang yung original - the one in front of the humanities building ;)
**gosh! nauna si arlene magpost sakin! promise ndi kita ginaya. ngayon ko lang nakita na nagpost ka din on the same topic. oki?!
I’m tired and hungry and sleepy and tired and hungry and sleepy and… oh yeah, bored too. I still have to wake up really early for a meeting tomorrow at the Manila area but I have to post something first. Should be yesterday pa nga eh kaya lang I’m having problems with my boss these days.
Anyhow, I went to Los Baños last Monday to pass my application for a graduate course at UPOU. The third time I went there without him.
*Recalling the events as well as the emotions involved*
~~~
September 24, 2004. I was hopeful then that he would change his mind and come back – but he didn’t and the pain was beyond compare.
October 18, 2004. My parents saw how dreadful I was at the thought of going back to “our” place that even though I did not ask, they volunteered and accompanied me there. Just the thought of being at the place where memories still linger made my muscles shiver and my bones rattle – it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Sobrang nakakapraning.
CS Lewis, in his book, Grief Observed wrote that: “grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restless, the yawning… I keep on swallowing.”
That was exactly how I felt then. I still feel those things but not as frequent.
February 28, 2005. I was neither hopeful nor scared. I was, in fact, thrilled of going “home.”
~~~
I love UPLB and I don’t think I would ever stop loving it. Oh yes, the place still reminds me of him but it has it’s very own magic that never fails to place me in a trance.
Arlenie’s kind enough to accompany me there twice – during the 1st and 3rd time – even though I know she’s not exactly thrilled of going back. Salamat po. Thank you for steadying me up when the “shivering” and the “rattling” hit.
I also have to say thank you to Jaike and Riza (LB-based friends) for making me feel that I’m not alone there. Yung feeling na kahit anong mangyari, basta pumunta ako dun they will always be there to make me smile.
Friends are part of the charm that encircles UPLB. Kahit na we have our own lives na, we are certain that we would be there to support each other through the good and especially the not so good times.
~~~
siyempre may pictures!
with Arlenie and Riza (and also yung baby - ndi pa kita kasi he is still inside his mom's tummy :)
not the "original" oble but he will do for now. next time na lang yung original - the one in front of the humanities building ;)
**gosh! nauna si arlene magpost sakin! promise ndi kita ginaya. ngayon ko lang nakita na nagpost ka din on the same topic. oki?!
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