Going home

It’s 9:15 pm and I’m still here in the office. No official whatsoever, I just have to help an officemate to do something for her kid.

I’m tired and hungry and sleepy and tired and hungry and sleepy and… oh yeah, bored too. I still have to wake up really early for a meeting tomorrow at the Manila area but I have to post something first. Should be yesterday pa nga eh kaya lang I’m having problems with my boss these days.

Anyhow, I went to Los Baños last Monday to pass my application for a graduate course at UPOU. The third time I went there without him.

*Recalling the events as well as the emotions involved*

~~~

September 24, 2004. I was hopeful then that he would change his mind and come back – but he didn’t and the pain was beyond compare.

October 18, 2004. My parents saw how dreadful I was at the thought of going back to “our” place that even though I did not ask, they volunteered and accompanied me there. Just the thought of being at the place where memories still linger made my muscles shiver and my bones rattle – it was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. Sobrang nakakapraning.

CS Lewis, in his book, Grief Observed wrote that: “grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restless, the yawning… I keep on swallowing.”

That was exactly how I felt then. I still feel those things but not as frequent.

February 28, 2005. I was neither hopeful nor scared. I was, in fact, thrilled of going “home.”

~~~

I love UPLB and I don’t think I would ever stop loving it. Oh yes, the place still reminds me of him but it has it’s very own magic that never fails to place me in a trance.

Arlenie’s kind enough to accompany me there twice – during the 1st and 3rd time – even though I know she’s not exactly thrilled of going back. Salamat po. Thank you for steadying me up when the “shivering” and the “rattling” hit.

I also have to say thank you to Jaike and Riza (LB-based friends) for making me feel that I’m not alone there. Yung feeling na kahit anong mangyari, basta pumunta ako dun they will always be there to make me smile.

Friends are part of the charm that encircles UPLB. Kahit na we have our own lives na, we are certain that we would be there to support each other through the good and especially the not so good times.

~~~

siyempre may pictures!


with Arlenie and Riza (and also yung baby - ndi pa kita kasi he is still inside his mom's tummy :)


not the "original" oble but he will do for now. next time na lang yung original - the one in front of the humanities building ;)

**gosh! nauna si arlene magpost sakin! promise ndi kita ginaya. ngayon ko lang nakita na nagpost ka din on the same topic. oki?!