For you

I know I love you. I can deny it and reject it repeatedly for as often as I can but the truth has a way of making its point; and repeatedly, too. It will dance mockingly before you, shine brightly above you, run fast after you and pull you hard from side to side until you finally get it.

It's funny how truth chases those who are in denial but conceals itself from those who want it badly.

But you've made a choice. I *should not* wait for you to change your mind because you were never the fickle type. In fact, I'm the fickle one. On some occasions though, I could be surprisingly consistent. Certainly, I want to be consistent on my decision to not wait for you anymore.

If you'd see some fool coming near me, you'd be the first to hope that he's the one for me. Or if you knew he isn't, you'd at least hope that I'd enjoy playing with him. You're always ready to see me walk away. Only because you want me to be happy and as far as you're concerned, you can't make me happy while you're with someone else - someone you've chosen over me.

This is not how I used to think and it's exactly the reason why I made things a lot harder for myself. I just kept on waiting.

But now waiting's over. I'm letting you go. Or more accurately, I'm letting me and myself go.

There are a lot of guys who are way, way, better than you especially when it comes to being "loving" is concerned. If only you could tell them how you are able to make me feel what I feel when I'm with you!!!

If you change your mind -- and a part of me will always wonder if you would, despite all my letting-go-crap, yes -- I just hope you'd tell me. Clearly. Even as I'm so comfortable with making you guess what's on my mind, I want you to be clear and direct and sweetly straightforward with me.

Tell me if you've changed your mind.

Tell me if your heart has changed.

Until you do, I'll put you under "lost causes." A love that was never meant for me.

So tomorrow I'll walk down the aisle to marry this guy who would be the father of my soon-to-be born child. Come to think of it, I had to be pregnant to be able to settle down with someone who is not you. Well, he loves me. At least that's what he told me.

-- Taken from the short story, "Sally's Fortress" (GMP 1997) by Germa Benitez.

(Note: the author of the "excerpt" above is a very good friend of mine. I don’t know if it’s ok to post her real name here. When I get the approval, post ko na lang)

~~~

If you would come back, I would be the happiest. But if not, I would still be the happiest.