Grasping for air

Guada: ever feel that you’re zooming on life’s highway but with broken parts? Well don’t wait for an accident to happen -- get a tune up soon.
-- sun cellular daily horoscope
04-Oct-04
09:44 am

I have been badly bruised and hurt by what has happened. In fact if you will be able to look inside my heart right now, it is torn apart, barely recognizable. The person whom I regarded to as my best friend and life partner has shattered it for the nth-time yesterday. The person whom I loved so much has betrayed me and left me grasping for air to breath. I can feel my heart breaking into million pieces that no pain reliever or medicine can ever comfort or heal me.

I am turning my heart to you, my LORD. I have no one else to turn to... no one except you.

He mentioned yesterday that there might be a bigger and greater plan.

If there is, then I hope it will not be long till I see the dawn. Cause it is really very dark…

~o0o~

this song, his song for his first love, suddenly played... he showed me how much it hurts:

Nobody Knows
Tony Rich Project

(Talking:)
Wish I'd told her how I felt,
Then maybe she'd be here right now,
But instead...I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more everyday
And I'm dyin' insideAnd nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me
Why didn't I say, the things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can say it so clearly, but you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night if I thought you'd hear me
Yeah, my heart is callin' you
And nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me
Yeah, ohh, uhh, whoa, omom,
Nobody, nobody, but me.....

Tomorrow morning I'm hittin' the dusty road
Gonna find you where ever, ever you might go
And I'm gonna unload my heart
And hope you come back to me
Yeah, sad when the nights are lonely...

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' youAnd nobody knows it but me...