Guilty, your Honor

May karma din...

There Arlene, I verbalized it. And yes, I am guilty.

I know that even if I wasn't able to finish the sentence, you know what i mean.

You were telling me when you heard it that deep in my heart I mean it…wished for it to happen… the devil’s rejoicing because of it.

Guilty as charged.

But let me explain.

I’ve been dumped. I begged. I was stabbed to death and was killed many times in the process. I asked you last night if karma works for everything/everybody. Because I was trying to remember if I have done something very wicked in the past that might have caused to me to experience this heartache. You told me that probably, it was a payment for my past life’s offense. Probably. If so, I understand. I have to bear the consequences.

If not… then what? Nothing.

I have to admit I sometimes imagine myself to be in the better position.

But even if I’m blinded with tears, I’m still lucid enough to know that wishing something bad for someone is still a sin.

Yes, it is in the deepest seat of my mind and I don’t know how long it will stay there. Sometimes though, when I try and focus enough, I am able to fight the evil off my head. Sadly, sometimes, I can’t (or maybe I just won’t).

Right now, I cannot defend myself I can only explain to lessen the guilt.

“If we had an exchange of hearts
Then you'd know why I fell apart
You'd feel the pain when the mem'ries start
If we had an exchange of hearts”