Panic!

Some people do things better if they are being pressured, some do not exhibit the same reaction when put under stress. Most of the time, I belong to the first group. But today the second group decided to include me in their very prestigious *sarcasm intended* organization. And clumsy Guada strikes again!

The supplement I was lay outing for almost a week now just disappeared in front of my eyes. I don’t know what happened or what button I pressed, it just wouldn’t open! To make the pressure a little bit heavier, the MB Advertising Department called to inform me that they could only give me an hour to be able to include it for tomorrow’s issue!

Fortunately, I saved another copy in my officemate’s computer else; consider me a dead duck tomorrow afternoon. Relieved? Not yet. The said computer’s already on it’s way to Manila Hotel (we are transporting all the computers there for our two-day annual scientific meeting starting tomorrow till Thursday). Buti na lang Ms. Cha (to whom I promised a box of Wonka NERDS – hay… the prize of being enks! – if everything went well) was there to save my butt. The supplement was successfully forwarded to the MB office for lay outing/printing after 45 min.

Relieved? Now, yes. Thank you very much. :)

A promise

Saturday night. My task – done.

I’ve talked to him and he told me that he would stop seeing her. He promised. I made him promise because I have the right to ask him to do so. And since this is the only journal I have (no notebook/s anymore) I going to write it down so I won’t forget. No - I don’t think I will ever forget.

Basta, I’m holding on to his promise. Naku, sana naman talaga… magagalit talaga ako pag hindi natupad yun :-/

Turmoil

My usual practice whenever I am bothered is to sit down and just tell Him everything. No formality whatsoever, just plain, storytelling. Like He’s just beside me. It works for me kasi when I do that I pray na rin at the same time.

I’ve read it somewhere that real worship is being in love with Jesus. And being in love for me means telling Him everything – personally.

But I have something to confess. I have not talk to Him since Tuesday. Lagi ko lang sinasabi, “Lord, sad ako.” Yun lang. I don't want to elaborate. Probably because I am so very busy these past few days. Up to this moment, hindi pa ako nagkukuwento. At parang ayoko nang magkuwento…

Sana lang maging maayos na ang lahat. I have to do something I hate this weekend. It has something to do with my obligation of being the eldest child. I do hope you pray for me. I will need strength. I am so afraid.

Hearts breaking

Goodbye
There's a word I've hated
All my life
Unanticipated tears
Can hurt so much
My friend

It's so sad to see you
At love's end
I've been through the pain myself
It's really wrong
To play it strong

Go on and cry
'Till you run dry
It's alright
Go on and scream
At broken dreams
It's alright


Minsan naiisip ko sana wala na lang ako puso. I can definitely handle the physical stress caused by my work but when it comes to the emotional pressure, I am so very week.

Once, Arlene told me that she is an empath with a weak heart. Ako, I am an empath with a very very weak heart. I don’t know until when will I last.

It was only yesterday when I realized that I could still handle additional pain/burden. And I bleed… I bleed more than ever now. Not for my self this time. But for the one person whom I love the most... :'(

Raging storm

If I ever had a line to heaven I swear
I'd call you there
And if I ever had a line to heaven I swear
I'll be there tonight.

Magsusumbong ako sa Lola Baning at Lolo Lope ko...

:'(

Random thoughts

Busy! Busy! Busy!
Can’t even post anything worth reading.

~~~

July 3, 2005

Ang galing! The Universe (a term borrowed from Arlene) never fails to surprise me every weekend :)
Kala ko magrerest muna Siya kahapon kasi I have so many things to do and yet...!
Hay, surprise! Surprise! ;)

~~~

As a follow up to this post: I have to say, I had fun :)

~~~

BTW, ‘twas my mama’s birthday last Friday! :)
Happy birthday to the most loving and beautiful mama in the whole wide world!
mwa! love you!

~~~

Reminder to self: Study Session next week.
Please! Please! Be ready!
Do all the assigned tasks!
Please! *begging tone*

~~~

one step forward
two steps backward
three steps away
one step back...

sa dami na ng steps, i'm not sure anymore kung ilan na.
basta, I have this strong feeling na naka 1 step forward na ako.
a very precious step... :)

Hmm...

doggie
Originally uploaded by canticles.

"We don’t know always know what the plan is, but we always know there’s a plan. Relax and know that somehow God’s got it all worked out."

Tentyu!

I have been saving a special prayer in my cell phone’s draft folder for as long as I can remember. And as of yesterday afternoon more than half of my wishes included in that prayer, were granted. The most amazing is that the biggest wish was answered when all hopes were lost.

Weeks ago, all I could think of was “we're going to lose this battle” – but how little faith I have! It was once said that “God answers our prayers, three responses stand out― yes, no, and wait.”

God asked us to wait first and to have faith because He would say yes in His perfect time. And in our case He surely did.

During those times, my parents showed me what faith is all about, never once did they show that they're going to give up. And I admire them for that.

Thank you to all those who prayed :)


~~~

Roses for our beloved Little Flower...



~~~

;)

kakanta muna ako ha?

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know...

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved
I'm relaxed I'll get over it yet

The tears of a child

sunset at matabuncay beach
Originally uploaded by canticles.

Healing Hands
Marc Cohn

Tonight I cried the tears of a child
Who knows what fear runs
deep and wild inside
But the river's in flood tonight

Weekend with friends (Part II)

(Click thumbnail to view the full-sized photo)

Weekend with friends

I really have no plans of going but my best friend, Maciel, insisted that it would be fun. So I said, “Ok, I’ll go.” And then quickly packed my things.

Looking back, the two main reasons I decided to go were just to be with them and to take a lot of pictures. However, what happened during our stay at the Matabunkay Beach Resort and Hotel went beyond my expectations.

Now I have to thank Best for being persistent :) because I really had FUN :)

Thank you: Raciel, Destine, Reese, Sarah, Jero and Best for a very wonderful weekend!

(Forgive me but I have to post an hour-by-hour account of our activities and tons of pictures!)

Friday
My parents allowed me to sleep over at the twins’ (Maciel and Raciel) place because we have to leave early the next morning for the 3-hour drive to Lian, Batangas.

Saturday
9:30 arrival at Matabunkay Beach Resort and Hotel
10:00 swam and played at the beach
12:00 prepared lunch
1:30 lunch
2:45 rest
3:00 played billiards and table tennis
5:00 back to the villa to rest
5:45 watched the sunset
6:00 played volleyball
6:45 some of us explored the shore and the nearby boat others preferred to sit and have a “foot spa”
7:15 prepared dinner
7:45 dinner
9:00 swam and played at the swimming pool
11:30 went back to the villa
12:30 sleep

Sunday
6:00 watched the sunrise
7:00 breakfast
8:00 swam at the beach
9:30 checked out of the hotel
11:00 departure

~~~

Please note that all of the abovementioned activities included taking pictures. And if I may say so, all of us are camera whores :)

~~~

The supposed to be date did not push through. Oh well, that's life :)
Mood: relieved (hehe!)

The waiting continues…

I'm going to get things done and over with.
date: June 13, 2005 - Monday
time: TBA

i wonder what will happen...
sana naman ok. kahit hindi great at least ok.

song playing while writing this :
I'll be (Edwin Mcain)

Could You Be Messiah

by Gary Valenciano

Could You be healer
To a heart that's been wounded
In a battle that's never seen...

Are You deliverer
Of an imprisoned feeling in chains
Can You set my spirit free?

~~~

:'(

Just wondering...

How could you say, “I miss you” to someone whom you’ve only know for exactly three days now and the two of you haven’t even met yet (face to face)? *shrug*

First day of school

I went to LB last Saturday to attend the general orientation of all new students in the morning and the program/course orientation for Masters of DevCom (MDC) in the afternoon.

I arrived at the UPOU headquarters 2 hours early (hindi kasi iniintindi ang schedule ;). Seeing people talking and laughing in groups transported me back to my very first day in pre-school. I couldn’t seem to remember the basic rule of making friends.

Luckily when I went inside the conference room several people were already seated. And like me, they all seemed to be on their own. So I approached one and introduced myself. Surprisingly, she also came from San Pablo City. Tita Weng and I chatted until the orientation started.

After orientation, Lema, a college acquaintance approached me and asked if I still remember her. “Of course naman,” I told her. We had a small talk before I went out of the room. She, on the other hand, had to stay for a few announcements regarding their program.

As I was about to leave the building, I saw Baldwin, a former college apartment neighbor. After a very long chikahan, we found out that we are classmates in ENS 201.

During lunch at McDo, a girl smiled at me. It turned out that she too is a student. Later on she told me, she smiled because she saw the study session materials I was holding. After I bought food at the counter I joined her and we ate lunch together. Since all study sessions are to be held at the DevCom Building, I accompanied her and some other new students to their designated rooms. Instantly, I became their tour guide. :)

We had our program orientation at Lecture Room 1.

Déjà vu. Memories flowed like a river. And it felt really good. My classmates came from all over Luzon. They specialized in various fields. I think I will learn a lot just by mingling with them.
After class, I went to visit St. Therese.

~~~

I’m back to school again! Unlike the ADMU experience, this one feels home and this time I know I belong.

Buhay na naman ang dugo ni Jing-jing. :) Yup, I asked them to call me Jing instead of Guada.

(By the way, Jing-jing means brilliant in Mandarin :)

Super dami agad assignments. I really have to re-orient myself. Dapat 'wag tatamad-tamad! ;)

~~~

I know I have NO RIGHT to say anything about it - at least not yet. But I want you to know how very excited I am about it. Super-over-mega excited! Another cannot-wipe-the-smile-off-my-face event :) I'll always be here for you. yipi! ;)

:'(

Coincidence?

From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
May 28, 2005

What’s in a name? Eric means ever powerful, Mark – defender, Sarah - Princess, Rachelle – little lamb. And You? What’s the story behind your name?

“The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name.” (Is 49:1) God lovingly calls you by your name! For the past years of your life you’ve been called and known by your name. Go back to the roots of your name and see how this has become part of your own story – God’s gift that is you.

~~~

Name: Guada
Origin: Arabic
Meaning/Translation: The river

Hi La Mer :)

~~~

What's yours?

Destiny

Destiny, you are the oldest of The Endless, you are
eternally chained to a book that holds the
secrets of the universe. You are all business,
never have time to even crack a smile, and
always make sure you do not draw too much
attention. You do not want people hunting after
you!


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

For you

I know I love you. I can deny it and reject it repeatedly for as often as I can but the truth has a way of making its point; and repeatedly, too. It will dance mockingly before you, shine brightly above you, run fast after you and pull you hard from side to side until you finally get it.

It's funny how truth chases those who are in denial but conceals itself from those who want it badly.

But you've made a choice. I *should not* wait for you to change your mind because you were never the fickle type. In fact, I'm the fickle one. On some occasions though, I could be surprisingly consistent. Certainly, I want to be consistent on my decision to not wait for you anymore.

If you'd see some fool coming near me, you'd be the first to hope that he's the one for me. Or if you knew he isn't, you'd at least hope that I'd enjoy playing with him. You're always ready to see me walk away. Only because you want me to be happy and as far as you're concerned, you can't make me happy while you're with someone else - someone you've chosen over me.

This is not how I used to think and it's exactly the reason why I made things a lot harder for myself. I just kept on waiting.

But now waiting's over. I'm letting you go. Or more accurately, I'm letting me and myself go.

There are a lot of guys who are way, way, better than you especially when it comes to being "loving" is concerned. If only you could tell them how you are able to make me feel what I feel when I'm with you!!!

If you change your mind -- and a part of me will always wonder if you would, despite all my letting-go-crap, yes -- I just hope you'd tell me. Clearly. Even as I'm so comfortable with making you guess what's on my mind, I want you to be clear and direct and sweetly straightforward with me.

Tell me if you've changed your mind.

Tell me if your heart has changed.

Until you do, I'll put you under "lost causes." A love that was never meant for me.

So tomorrow I'll walk down the aisle to marry this guy who would be the father of my soon-to-be born child. Come to think of it, I had to be pregnant to be able to settle down with someone who is not you. Well, he loves me. At least that's what he told me.

-- Taken from the short story, "Sally's Fortress" (GMP 1997) by Germa Benitez.

(Note: the author of the "excerpt" above is a very good friend of mine. I don’t know if it’s ok to post her real name here. When I get the approval, post ko na lang)

~~~

If you would come back, I would be the happiest. But if not, I would still be the happiest.

Question

How do you start letting go / moving on?