I See the Moon

(a nursery rhyme)

I see the moon and the moon sees me
And the moon sees the one that I long to see.
So God bless the moon and God bless me
and God bless the one that I long to see.
It seems to me that God above
created you for me to love.
He picked you out of all the rest
because he knew I loved you the best.
I once had a heart called mine you see,
but now it's gone to you from me.
So take good care as I have done
for you have two and I have none.
I see the moon and the moon sees me
And the moon sees the one that Iong to see.
So God bless the moon and God bless me
And God bless the one that I long to see.

December fever

December is almost over and I only have one entry. Grabe, how lousy could I get in keeping this blog? To make up for the unwritten ones, I’ll try to put a thing or two about what happened this month.

~~~

December is my most favorite month because it houses a number of special occasions. But this year, it’s extra special. Last December 9, my Taluts gave birth to a very healthy cute baby boy. He was named, Carlo.

I’ve been around with kids a lot this year but having a newborn baby inside the house is something else. Seem like because of him, everybody’s calm and kind. Voices are not being raised because the baby might wake up if he’s sleeping or might cry if he is awake.

My first words when I saw him were, “ang liit-liit naman niya!”

It’s like Joey saying to baby Emma (daughter of Rachel), “She looks so real! Y’know what I mean! She’s this whole tiny little person.”

Here is his picture:

~~~

Second, I am now a member of CFC Singles for Christ, Bicutan Unit. I graduated last December 11 at the Sto. Niño Parish Chapel. Not yet sure if it is really meant for me (and vise versa), but I’m here…waiting for something to happen. I think it’s good for me. It is slowly, bit by bit bandaging my broken soul. I still miss Lisieux though.

~~~

Next is my birthday. I had a nice birthday, a peaceful one. Ok naman. I spent my night at home watching Friends and eating ice cream. Mama sent me a bilao of pansit sotanghon and a box of pichi-pichi. Arlene, on the other hand, wrote me this and gave me a mango ice cream cake. Of course I’ll never know if it’s really meant for me, because of the flavor, but just the same, it tasted great. :) I’m not yet done with the transcription of birthday greetings but I’ll post it the soonest.

~~~

By the way, I forgot to mention December 8, Immaculate Conception - the day Mama Mary was conceived - without original sin. It was pointed out in one homily that she’s the first Christian, the first one who experienced the saving of the Christ. The homily that particular day focused not on the sexual pureness of Mary, as was yearly preached, but on the pureness of her heart in preparation for the coming of our Lord.

~~~

Then, Ate Baby and Kuya Apol got married last Sunday, December 17 at Villa Escudero Plantation. I was one of the Bridesmaids :). I was being teased by a friend saying, “Always a bridesmaid, never the bride.”

“Oh well,” I said with a shrug and a smile. In my heart I know that sometimes it’s better to be this way than to be with the wrong one, di ba?



~~~

Moving further to the topic of Christmas, I attempted (take note of the term) to complete the Simbang Gabi - again. Unfortunately, due to exhaustion and non-working cellphone alarm clock, I did not make it on the 2nd day pa lang. Hay... last year I also attempted to finish it, kaya lang on the last day I failed to wake up early. In short sa buong buhay ko, ndi ko pa nakukumpleto ang simbang gabi. Ever!

~~~

BTW, I attended the SFC Christmas party last night. I had fun! :)

My day

Today is the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe

"Listen and let it penetrate your heart...do not be troubled or weighed down with grief. Do not fear any illness or vexation, anxiety or pain. Am I not here who am your Mother? Are you not under my shadow and protection? Am I not your fountain of life? Are you not in the folds of my mantle? In the crossing of my arms? Is there anything else you need?" (Our Lady's words to her servant Juan Diego.) - By Brother Michael, M.I.C.M.

~~~

Today is the birthday of my "namepartner". Papa's father - my Lolo Lope.

~~~

Today is the birthday of atleast half a dozen people i know who were not named Guada, Guadalupe, or Lope.

~~~

Today is MY day.
And i feel blessed :)

Love disenchantment

I got a text message from one of my sisters in Lisyu this morning. She informed me that her boyfriend of six years got married last week. They got separated last September this year because the guy cannot promise her the exact date of their wedding day. They were engaged for I think 2 years.

Another friend was engaged for a year only to find out a month before the wedding that the guy already has a live-in partner.

Grabe… I don’t know what to say. Is this how we deal with love these days?

I shouldn’t generalize. But these are the facts. They are being thrown at my face. I’m so, so disappointed… :(

~~~

I dreamed of being chased by a crocodile in a man-made pond with him. At the end of the dream he was able to escape. I, on the other hand, woke up.

Crocodile

Definition:
Seeing a crocodile in your dream forewarns of hidden danger. Someone near you is giving you bad advice and is trying to sway you into poor decisions. The crocodile may be an aspect of yourself and your aggressive and "snappy" attitude. Or maybe it reveals that you have displayed some false emotions and shedding "crocodile tears". Dreaming that you are chased or bitten by a crocodile means disappointments in love and in business.

~~~

Nais ko
Fr. Mimo Perez

Nais ko sanang muling makamtan
Aking karanasan noong kamusmusan
Walang alinlangan, walang pangamba
Laging naniniwala't nagtitiwala

Akala ko sa aking pagtanda ay uunlad
Bakit ang buhay ko'y naging hungkag
Sana'y muling matutunan sigla ng kamusmusan
At ang matibay na paniniwala sa pagmamahal

Nais ko sanang muling balikan
Ang buhay kong payak ngunit puno ng galak
Kahit kung minsan napapaiyak
Mayamaya lang ay muling humahalkhak

Nais ko sanang maulit muli
Mga sandaling ako ay nanatiling
Buong pananalig na nakikinig
At tumatalima sa bulong ng pag-ibig

Draining

Sometimes I get so discouraged here in the office. My work is totally related to the degree I finished. Super. That's why I felt so blessed when I got accepted here. Pero lately, hindi na. Naramdaman mo na ba yung, alam mong kaya mo but because of the people around you who do not believe in you (or in any body else except in themselves) mafe-feel mo na rin na hindi mo kaya? That is exactly how I feel right now.

As far as I know I was trained to do the things I’m doing right now. But my boss, who feels like s/he is intellectually superior above all others; who think that questioning is a mortal sin; and who thinks that every bad thing that happened is your fault, doesn’t feel that way.

Nagsisimula pa lang ako, idi-discourage na ako. I know I shouldn’t say this, pero nawawalan na ako ng kumpiyansa sa sarili ko. It’s so hard to resist them… hirap sobra. Very energy draining indeed.

Angel Wisdom #2

Angels know your good bits and you bad bits, and they still love you.
- Proverb

Buntonghininga

My 10 year-old cousin, Gello sent everybody a text message the other day about the gender of his unborn sibling. He informed us that the baby would be a boy and not a girl as he was expecting “it” to be. I know he was a bit disappointed because he was really really expecting a baby girl, which according to him would be named Carla. In response I asked him what would be the name of the baby now. He answered John Louise.

Mama smiled when I told her this. You see, the nickname Gello came from Gene Louise. Most likely John Louise’s nickname would be Jollo. Sabi ni mama, ingat lang daw sa pag-pronounce para wag maging JoloGs. :)

Come to think of it Gello, having a brother is not that bad. I should know, because I have two brothers myself. :) Plus, the name John means “the Beloved”. It would be sensible enough because I’m sure he will be your beloved little brother.

~~~

I’ve been searching for years and just found it last night.
Now I have the album of Fr. Mimo Perez entitled Buntonghinga ng Isang Alagad.
Yay! *Sigh* ;)… and the first song is…

BUKSAN
Fr. Mimo Perez

Pinid ang pintuan mistulang ding-ding
walang sinuman ang maaaring tanggapin
anong pumipigil? anong nag-babawal?
sa sariling mundo bat di ka lumaya

chorus:
buksan ang iyong mga mata
kahit may luha
mamahalin pa rin kita
at tutulungang lumaya

basong may tubig lagyan mong muli
aapaw dahil wala ng silid
pusong may galit di maaring umibig
bulag sa wasto alipin ng isip

Ten guidelines from God

from a forwarded e-mail

Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING:
Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST:
Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME:
Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in
Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE:
Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think
I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME:
I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH:
I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE:
You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT:
I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND:
Be kind to others, for I love them just to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF:
As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget...

Angel Wisdom #1

The angels love our tears... Leaving, they dry our face with the brush of a wing, never seeing it pure... already far away from us.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Should I say more?

Thank you po ulit

In my June 21, 2005 entry, I mentioned that more than half of my wishes were already granted. :) This afternoon, another wish was fulfilled (meaning: completed to perfection).

Jayjay got accepted at ABS-CBN!

Imagine?! I stayed in QC for four years hoping that someday, somehow, I’ll get accepted there, tapos siya wala pang one month na paghihintay natanggap na! Wow! Anyway, bow ako sa’yo brother! :) Ako kasi give up na :) Libre ha?! Yay!

Thank you Lord! :)

~~~

I haD my second chance.
Thank you for that.
Now, it’s time to move on.
Help me, my beloved angels.

~~~

For all the issues/concerns/worries I have right now, kakantahan ko na lang sila:

Hands
Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My sisters

Yesterday, I attended the baptism of Riza’s (college housemate) second baby, John Cody. Being one of the god mothers, I could not refuse the invitation. Nakaka-kunsensya :) Everything went well naman. I was able to chat with Leynen and Riza after years of being apart. Rey was also there and of course, Eric.

I suddenly miss the MNLF (Manang Na Lang Forever) organization / Haly’s and the Taly’s (Haliparot at Talipandas) gang / Ilag’s Girls. It occurred to me that it’s been five years since our last get together.

Leynen’s busy with her very demanding work; Riza has two kids already; Cha is in Cebu finishing her residency na yata; Ate Vicvic is connected with a non-government organization – environmental in nature; Gold, I heard, is also connected with an NGO. It’s a good thing Arlene and I are housemates, although not for long as she also plans to move somewhere near her work.

Bigla ko tuloy naalala yung song ng APO Hiking Society:

SAAN NA NAPUNTA ANG PANAHON

I
Nagsimula ang lahat sa iskuwela. nagsama-samang' labingdalwa'.
Sa kalokohan at sa tuksuhan, hindi maawat sa isat-isa.
Madalas ang istambay sa capetirya. Isang barkada na kay' saya.
laging may hawak-hawak na gitara, konting hudyut lamang kakanta na.

kay simple lamang ng buhay 'non, walang mabibigat na suliranin.
prublema lamang laging kulang ang datung.
saan na napunta ang panahon.

Saan na nga ba, saan nanga ba?
saan na napunta ang panahon.

II
Sa unang ligaw kayo'y magkasama, magkasabwat sa pambobola.
Walang sikreto kayong tinatago, O kaysarap ng samahang barkada.
nagkawatakan na sa kolehio, kanya-kanya na ang lakaran.
kahit minsanan na lang kung magkita, pagkaka-ibiga'y hindi nawala.

At kung saan na napadpad ang ilan,
sa dating iskwela'y meron' ding naiwan.
Meron' pa ngang mga ilang nawala na lang,
nakaka miss ang dating samahan.

III
Ilang taon din ang nakalipas, bawat isa sa ami'y tatay na.
nagsusumikap upang yumaman, at guminhawang kinabukasan.
Paminsan-minsan kami'y nagkikita, mga naiwan at natira.
At gaya nung araw namin sa iskwela, pag magkasama ay nagwawala.

Napakahirap malimutan, ang saya ng aming samahan.
Kahit lumipas na ang iilang taon, magkabarkada parin ngayon.

Magkaibigan, magkaibigan magkaibigan parin ngayon.
Magkaibigan, magkaibigan magkabarkada parin ngayon.

God, I miss you guys so much! Kelan kaya ulit tayo makukumpleto?

Point of weakness

Pancake Therapy

Last night’s lesson on heartache:
Heartache + Pancake = Momentary Lightheartedness

Another day...

another chance for a new beginning.

2002 NCE Sharing

Fostering Cooperation
Keeping Open to the World
by Dr. Jesus Estanislao

Forge unity with neighbors
not at the expense of all others
nor to the exclusion of the broader good.

Good regionalism remains open
to every opportunity to contribute
to the welfare of the human family.

The whole world is our charge
We cannot shirk our responsibility
as citizens of the international community.

~~~

My refelection written on June 22, 2002

No man is an island. We cannot live alone nor can we do anything on our own. Every thing is interconnected. What we do now can affect the people around us in one way or another.

Politically speaking, the president cannot do everything on her own. Even if she will be given the chance to be a president all her life she cannot accomplish every single task and implement every single project without the help of those people below her. That is why she has her vice president, secretaries, undersecretaries and many other assistants below her.

In a corporate setting a simple work can prove to be very crucial in the overall result of a certain plan or output.

Let no man compare two jobs and say that one is bigger than the other because at the end of the day no matter how big or “small” your work is when we scrutinize the end product, it will not be what it is suppose to be if you did not do your work well.

Always remember that a good worker not only think in a microscopic view but also look and work in a macroscopic perspective, thinking not only of himself but the effect of his existence to the world. And that in the end there are no triangles where there are people at the top and people below but only circles where everybody is equal and important.

Thank you! :)

Hey me! wake up!

I'm so slow.
And so lazy.
I still have to finish 2 assignments for school and 3 reports for work.
All due on friday :(
Sana matapos na else
I'm a dead duck..

~~~

I attended the first session of the 12-part Christian Life Program last sunday.
Unfortunately I'm still not sure if it is really for me or if I'm really for it..
Show me.

~~~

I'm expecting some changes again - soon.
Strenghten and guide me.

~~~

Tired pa rin computer ko.
Ayaw pa rin magwork.
I literally had to beg my officemates to allow me to use their computers.
Waaa!
Sana naman maayos na.
More than a week na akong ganito.
*hikbi*

Flower

Somebody To Love

Anne Hathaway
OST Ella Enchanted

Can anybody find be somebody to love?
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can't barely stand on my feet.
Take a look in the mirror
And I, see what you're doing to me.
I've spent all my years believing in you,
but I just can't get no relief.
Won't somebody, somebody,
can anybody find me, somebody to love.

Got no feel I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm okay I'm alright
It shows that there's no defeat
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day I'm gonna be free
Lord somebody
Somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love

(She works hard) Everyday
I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of wonder in my brain
Got no common sense
I've got nobody left to believe

(Find her somebody to love x6)
(Can anybody find me)

Somebody To Love

(Find me somebody to love x5)

Forgive THEN forget

I went to Ateneo last Saturday with my parents because they had to meet someone there. Since saling-kit lang ako and was not included in their meeting, I had 2 whole hours for my self. The night before this trip I made an appointment with Him. Sabi ko usap kami. I need to talk with Him. Not to Him but with Him. I need to know that He is there, listening. Kung pwede nga lang I need Him to answer me, in anyway possible, basta lang marerecognize ng ultra-small-sized brain ko.

I spent the first hour inside the Church of Gesu - I so miss the place. I’ve been there siguro less than 10 times lang when I was still studying there. Mejo out of the way kasi sa mga classrooms ko. The place was so quiet and so simple. There were only two prominent things inside the chapel, the Jesus on the Cross image in front and the holy water fountain at the back.

Inside the chapel, I talked, I complained, I justified my thoughts and deeds, even my emotions. When I finished with the talking/complaining (to my amazement, not a single lightning hit me), I just sat there. Then I received a text from Omlet, it says: tell God all that’s in your heart, as one unloads one’s heart to a dear friend. No problem since I was already doing that at that particular moment.

On the same text message was this: He who can’t forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. Now herewith lies the problem.

I once considered my self as a forgiving person, now I think forgetful is a much more appropriate term to be used because I easily forget things. Lately, I realized that with this attitude I haven’t forgiven at all, I was just putting everything inside hoping that they would stay there without bursting open. So, that’s why I’ve been so restless. I don’t deal with them, I bury them. I realized that forgetting should not come before forgiving. It should come after the forgiveness took place.

Anyway, part of my supplication was for Him to help me let go and move on. He told me last Saturday that in order to do the things I was asking, I must forgive - him and myself - first, then everything else will follow.

My response upon realizing this was: “Hay Lord, ang hirap naman po…” followed by a very deep sigh. *sigh*

When I opened my bible, it opened to Mark 16:6-20.

14 Afterward He appeared to the Eleven as they reclined. And He reproached their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they did not believe those who had seen Him after He had risen.

Another cut and He gave me Mark 8:11-12.

11 And the Pharisees came forth, and began to question with him, seeking of him a sign from heaven, tempting him. 12 And he sighed deeply in his spirit, and saith, Why doth this generation seek after a sign? verily I say unto you, There shall no sign be given unto this generation.

I ended my stay there with another prayer. This time, I asked Him to lead the way and hold my hand.

~~~

However, my story did not end there. Yesterday, I attended the mass and the reading came from Matthew 18: 21 – 35. And that's right. It's still all about forgiving.

21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Aba! pag hindi pa naman tumatak sa isip ko ito ewan ko na :)

~~~

Ate Baby’s pregnant :) Natutuwa naman me promise! :) Another baby on the way! Yay!

Hay… ako na lang natitira *argh!* Lagot.

Mary's nativity

The Birth of the Virgin Mary - Esteban Murillo (Louvre, Paris)

Happy Birthday Mama Mary.

Thank you for saying:
"I am thehandmaid of the Lord; be it done unto me according to Your word" Luke 1:38

May I learn to say the same thing.

Insect invasion (part 2)

I saw this on the top of my file... tsk! tsk! tsk!

Huling senti (sana)

East West
Julia Fordham

It's been a whole year since your call
The one that started
I don't love you anymore
I thought I'd surely not survive
But here I am, I'm still alive, 365 days later
Going strong, holding on
trying to find a place where I belong
I've been east, I've been west
but I'm still not over you yet
I'm still not over you yet, no no
The weeks and months blend into one
A bleary haze, fall, winter
now spring has begun
Bringing fresh hope to my door
I'll be the girl I was before you took back
the precious gift you gave to me
Going strong, holding on
trying to find a place where I belong
I've been east, I've been west
but I'm still not over you yet
I'm still not over you yet, no no
And after all is said and done
and written up (written in the stars above)
The radio's singing songs of love
but not for us
Not for us
Going strong, holding on
trying to find a place where I belong
I've been east, I've been west
but I'm still not over you yet
I'm still not over you yet, no no
East west, east west, 365
here I am, I'm still alive

~~~

Eksaktong isang taon na simula ng ako’y iyong iwan. Nung simula, madaming tanong ang ating mga kakilala – mga kaibigan at kamag-anak – kung bakit daw tayo nagbreak? Sinsasabi ko dati, kasi may iba ka ng mahal, na may nililigawan ka nang bago. Yung office mate mo dun sa dati mong pinagtatrabahuhan. Galit ako sa inyong dalwa noon kasi alam ko na alam ninyo kung gaano kasakit ang iwan at lokohin (oo, lokohin at pagsinungalingan) ng taong mahal na mahal ninyo. Pero ginawa ninyo pa rin sa akin yon. Feeling ko ang sasma sama ninyong tao. Pero mahal pa rin kita noon. Galit man ako sa iyo, pakiramdam ko hinding hindi kita matitiis noon.

Habang lumilipas ang panahon, nalaman ko na hindi rin pala kayo nagkatuluyan. Humanga ako dun sa babae. Kahit papaano may delikadeza din naman pala siya. Naisip ko siguro kung sa ibang panahon at pagkakataon kami nagtagpo, maaring naging malapit kaming magkaibigan. Ngunit dahil nga sa maling panahon at pagkakataon, alam ko na kailan man ay hindi ay hindi mangyayari iyon.

Ilang beses akong nakiusap na mahalin mo ulit ako. Ilang beses ko ring dinusta ang pride ko para sa iyo dahil mahal na mahal kita. Pero ganun yata talaga pag hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, kahit pa gaanong pilit ang gawin mo, kapag wala nang natitirang damdamin wala na talaga. Sabi nga dun sa kanta ng APO, “tuyo na ang damdamin”.

Minsan nalulungkot pa rin ako, naluluha (hindi lang siguro minsan yun). Naiisip kita palagi - bago matulog, pagkagising, pag masaya ako, at lalong lalo na kapag malungkot. Pero unti unti ko na rin pinupulot ang pride ko, pakonti-konti hanggang sa mabuo. Kung kelan mabubuo, ndi ko pa alam.

Sabi ng iba kong kaibigan, hayaan mo magkakaroon ka rin ng closure. Sagot ko, san ba yun nabibili? Kahit siguro magkano, pipilitin kong makabili. Pero sa kasamaang palad walang makasagot kung saan yun nabibili.

Isang taon na ang nakakalipas. Isang taon ko na ring pinipilit ang puso kong maging bato. Pinagdadasal ko minsan na sana tubuan na ng makakapal na kalyo ang puso ko para ndi na masyado masaktan. Pero dahil sa likas ding matigas ang kanyang ulo, walang nangyayari, kaya yun, patuloy pa rin siyang dumudugo. Hindi ko nga alam kung ilang galong dugo na ang nawala, hindi ko na nabilang. Alam ko lang madami na. Isang taon na ang nakakalipas pero marami pa rin akong kinatatakutan. Isang taon na pero parang nung isang lingo lamang ng ako’y iyong iwan. Marami pa rin akong tanong. Sabihan ko man ng utak ko ang aking puso na huwag nang umasa at maghintay, walang nangyayari. Minsan nakikinig, mas malimit ang hindi.

Ngayon, pag tinatanong nila ako, kung bakit tayo nag break, hindi ko na sila masagot ng maayos. Iba-iba na sagot ko. Minsan naiintindihan nila, minsan hindi. Pag hindi nila naiintindihan, ndi ko na kinukwento pa. Bihira lang ang nakakaintindi sa mga sagot ko. Dahil iilan lang sa mga kakilala ko ang naniniwala na loving is a choice you have to make everyday, every single day of your life.

Naiisip pa rin kita hindi lang minsan kundi lagi-lagi… at kung hihimay-himayin pa rin ang laman ng puso ko, palagay ko ay ikaw pa rin ang nasa bawat hibla nito. Hanggang sa muli. Sana sa susunod kong sulat sa iyo, kung hindi man ako buo sana ay puro kalyo na at ganap nang bato.

~~~

I'll Be OK
Amanda Marshall

It's time to let you go; it's time to say Goodbye
No more excuses; no more tears to cry
There's been so many changes; I was so confused
All along you were the one; all the time I never knew.
I want you to be happy; you're my best friend
But its so hard to let you go now; all that could have been
I'll always have the memories; she'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing; just when you don't want it to
Throw away the chains; Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!

Life passes so quickly, you've got to take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters, you'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching, for what was always there,
Sometimes it will be too late, sometimes it won't be fair.
Throw away the chains, Let love fly away
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!

I won't give up... I won't give in...
I can't re-create what just might have been,
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to return....
Throw away the chains, Let love find a way
Till love comes again, I'll be OK!
Can't go on forever, baby; I can't go on forever, baby...
Can't go on forever, baby... yeah...
I'll be OK

:)

Been very weepy and snappy the whole day yesterday. I blame it to the hormones :)
Thank you Raciel for sticking with me. Proxy muna ang twin sis ng best ko last night kasi she is sick.

Insect invasion

What is the matter with this week?! (Ross’ tone)

Yesterday, I saw a centipede and a couple of earthworms! I’m so very proud to say that I was able to step on the first earthworm. Yung second, hindi ko na talaga kaya. I just let it crawl away or rather I walked away - quickly.

Today, I saw a very small cockroach on my food, repeat – ON MY FOOD.

Ang saya noh?!

~~~

I watched two movies yesterday, If Only (ok) and About a Boy (very nice).

Hugh Grant + sweatshirt = sexy :)

Please vote

thank you :) copy and forward this to your friends.

~~~

Hi all,

Did you know that the Philippines' coconut geotextile (a.k.a. 'coco - net') for soil erosion control has been chosen as one of the 12 finalists in Newsweek and BBC's (British Broadcasting Corporation) World's World Challenge?

The World Challenge is basically a competition/search designed at identifying groups or individuals all over the world whose projects have shown enteprise and innovation at a grass roots level. It's all about "making a difference" in communities.

A documentary about Philippine Coconut geotextile or the 'coco-net' industry will be shown on the BBC World on September 24 around 8:30 GMT and will also be featured in the August 29 special issue of Newsweek.

"The World Challenge" already offers tremendous exposure and publicity to our flourishing Philippine coconut geotextile industry and to our Philippine coconut fiber exporters. But wouldn't it be great if we could just win this damn thing?!

To vote, please open www.theworldchallenge.co.uk , click "Click Here" on the right side of the label "VOTE NOW", click the "COCONETS" picture of the brown coconut shells... Well, you know what to do. Just follow the basic instructions and make sure to click on our entry. It's 1 person - 1 vote so please help spread the word.

So don't forget:

1. Vote for COCONETS (Philippine entry)

and

2. Forward this campaign to as many people as you can.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas!

Love

When I was in elementary, my female classmates had these small and colorful (sometimes even perfumed) notebooks called autographs or slam books. Those who owned one asked our classmates to answer 20 or more questions about him/herself.

Who is your crush? What is your favorite color? Where did you live? and When is your most unforgettable date? These are just some of the questions included in the said notebook.

I did not own any slam book (I was too shy to ask my parents to buy me one. Ewan ko ba, pero feeling ko kasi they will just tease me about it), but I whenever I had the chance, I read each and every page with answers. Siyempre after 14 years, I remember nothing na yata.

But I am not that forgetful. I remember two or three answers to a very common question. And try as I might, hindi na talaga madagdagan pa.

Anyway, the question was “What is love?” Naks! Very profound di ba? :)
The three most common answers were:
1. Love is like a rosary that is full of mystery (shet! :);
2. Love is blind; and last but definitely not the least
3. God is love.

However, at the moment I am more interested with romantic love or Eros.

~~~

The definition of love varies from one person to another. Based mainly on their experiences, people have different reactions whenever one mentions the four-letter word. Some have the dreamy and smitten look in their eyes, while others will give you the look that says, “Puhleeze! Spare me! Let’s change the subject. Fast!” Sadly, others will just turn away to avoid a very painful subject.

~~~

I am not in a relationship right now.. not even sure if I am still in love (Sad ba? sometime YES). Pero natutuwa ako everytime I see people happy because they have that very special someone to whom they can share their love and lives with. But lately, things are not that great. People are being left behind. Emotionally and physically, they are being abandoned by their loves.

Friends, relatives, fellow bloggers, and the river itself have all been subjected to the same situation of being left behind. And one cannot help but wonder, “what is happening?!”

Poets say that love is a two edged sword. It is where happiness and sufferings meet and cannot be separated from one another. Accept one along with the other. Para bang buy one take one.

Sana lang, and I pray this with all my heart, those who are hurting and suffering will continue to fight and be strong for the sake of those who love them and most especially for that one very special person who’s out there somewhere willing to love them and be loved in return.

~~~

What's Forever For

And maybe it's me that's gone crazy
'Cause I can't understand why
All these lovers keep hurting each other
When good love is so hard to come by

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody stay together anymore
And if love never
Lasts forever tell me
What's forever for

I've been listening to people
And they say love is the key
And it's not my way
To let them lead me astray
It's only that I want to believe

But I've seen love hungry people
Trying their best to survive
While in their hand
Is a dying romance
And their not ever trying to keep it alive

~~~

Please read this.

After a While

By Veronica A. Shoffstall
written at age 19

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn...
with every good-bye you learn...

Keeping in touch

I have been subscribed to Globe’s TXTNONSTOP for more than a week now and the result is very fulfilling. :) For only 15 pesos everyday I get to communicate with my high school and college friends, former workmates, and those people whom I get to know only recently. Nakakatuwa, people are forwarding text messages almost every hour, if not every minute. The bonus part comes after office hours (most of us are either working or studying) because people go beyond the canned forwarded messages to send a more personal one. :)

Questions like, How are you? How’s work? and simple wishes such as, I hope you are fine and I hope everything is ok with you make my everyday a little bit special.

So, for those who are interested but not yet subscribed: Text txtnonstop15 to 2870 to enjoy 1 day of unlimited text to fellow globe prepaid subscribers :)

Please note that I don't have any honorarium from Globe :) Pramis! Wish ko lang meron. Hehe! BTW, I hate Sun. Lagi na lang walang signal. Grrr!

~~~

Are you, in anyway, familiar with the anime Spirited Away by Miyazaki? (Highly recommended by me – I like it a lot:) ‘Coz I’m looking for the film, Moving Castle also by Miyazaki. If you have seen it or any information on where I can buy the CD, kindly post a comment – siyempre po dapat dito lang sa Philippines :) Thank you.

Rambling # 2

I watched two wedding films last night: The Wedding Date and The Wedding Singer. The first one bored me to death while the second film pasted a smile and a dreamy look on my face – up to this very moment.

Grabe! From The Wedding Singer to 50 First Dates to Spanglish, Sandler’s just wow! Anyway, whenever I see him I remember Ross (David Schwimmer). I don’t know if you will agree with me but look:

Di ba?!!!

~~~

Grow Old With You
Adam Sandler

[Billy Idol (Speaking):]
Good afternoon everyone. We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringin you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first-class passengers has written a song inspired by one of our coach passenger, and since we let our first-class passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

[Robbie Hart (Singing):]
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

~~~

I have a crush! Twice ko pa lang siya nakikita. Yung first time, siyempre mega smile ako sa kanya. Tapos last Saturday, nakita ko ulit. Hay... anyway, he hardly knows I exist. Pero ok lang :). Can’t post any more details, baka mabasa. Kakahiya naman. Pero nakita ko na siya sa friendster. For now, pwede na yun! Haha! :)

Something more

Lea Salonga
Something More: Songs for Skeptics

Where are you, you whom i seek to know?
Are you the one I’m looking for?
Show your face
Why don’t you break your silence now?

Take the stormy seas within me
Name these shadows trapped inside me
Claim this lost and frightened child you see
In me

Restlessness

Last night, in an effort to stop the little voices inside my head, I watched at least seven episodes of “Friends,” while doing my laundry. In between episodes, I tried reading my schoolbooks. I finished doing everything at around 1 am. Fell asleep at around quarter to 2.

So, are they gone? Nope. They decided to stay.

Then I saw this:

“Be quiet,” said the angels.
I have been very noisy lately;
I couldn’t hear them anymore.
“Be still.”
“Listen.”
~ A note given by Arlene last 5-July-05

Inside, different voices are shouting. They are talking at the same time. Some angry, some worried, most of them just sad. I hope they snuggle down a bit. I’ll try to be quiet for them.

Pissed

There is something wrong with my template! or my account! or both! or is it just me?!

It is as if the template codes I’ve been using have their own self-destruct mechanism. After a few months of using they will disintegrate on their own. Aba eh, this is already my 5th template. Mind you, I am not the type who’s fickle minded about these things because I grow on them. The longer I use them, the better.

Sayang kasi! I like the color of my last template…

anyway I’ll live. But… grrrr.

~~~

BTW please, please answer naman my survey. I still need 25 repondents for this assignment. Thank you :)

Lessons on stress and homeostasis

Today is the death anniversary of my cousin, Jeric. Please for his eternal repose.

~~~

I went back to the doctor yesterday for the result of the TMH-1 something test to see if I have goiter. I do not have it. Yey!

So I just asked her about the cause of my palm’s excessive sweating and backache (which occur almost every week if not every day). She told me that sometimes, or rather in most cases, these are caused by stress.

~~~

During our first meeting in ENSC 201, our Faculty-in-charge talked about the ability of nature to heal itself, on its own, without any help from the outside. The term she used was “homeostasis.”

Hyperdictionary defined homeostasis as the ability of an organism to maintain a constant internal environment though regulatory mechanisms that compensate for a changing external environment.

For example, if a person or an organism is subjected to a stressful situation, its body produces or releases hormones to prepare itself for a physical response appropriate for the situation. I think this is simply called as the coping mechanism of the organism.

Different organisms have different coping mechanisms. Humans, when in stress sometimes indulge themselves in different activities such as sports, work, etc. Some even develop or get involve in new activities to relax themselves thereby achieving internal equilibrium.

~~~

The doctor did give me a lecture about stress. She told me that I should prioritize what is important rather than what is urgent. Also, to minimize stress, I should look at the positive side of life and be thankful for what I have. To quote: “you are very lucky and very blessed! You have a family who, I assume, loves you. You have a nice job, while other people don’t have any. You seem well fed (hehe! Natawa ako dito kasi taba-taba ko na! ;). You are blessed!” She even gave me an article she usually gives as a handout to her students at UP Manila. But most importantly, she made me smile.

She’s one of those passersby who made an impact. An angel in disguise. Thank you Dr. Buenaluz.

~~~

By the way, it’s already august. And I don’t like it a bit. Too many memories to deal with.

~~~

Yet I know that all shall soon be well. So kakanta muna ulit ako…

Too many broken forevers, too long has been this stormy weather
No more rainbows after rain, and no more healing from the pain

Yet all shall be well, all shall be well
You'll see, all shall soon be well
All things, all men, all the world shall be well

Broken wings that cannot mend. Are we afraid to dream again?
The world is full of passing faces. Our hearts are bruised in many places...

I bought the "Something More: Songs for Skeptics" album last night. Every single song, bull's eye. Tagos sa puso. During the past few months, I've become both a seeker and a skeptic.. But He has been very faithful.

Please... please!!!

Hey there! I need you to answer the questions below for my assignment in DC 202 Development Communication Concepts and Approaches. Sige na please! :) Thank you! Thank you po! :)

~~~

Hairong Li of Michigan State University defined media as “the communication vehicles such as newspapers, magazines, radio, television, billboards, direct mail, and the Internet.”

According to him, “media are usually classified into either mass or niche media. Newspapers, magazines, television and radio are considered mass media because they deliver messages to a widespread, anonymous audience, while advertising media such as cable television and direct mail are often viewed as “niche” media because they reach a narrowly defined audience with unique demographic characteristics or special interests.”

Source: Hairong Li. Advertising Media. Michigan State University

~~~

Name: ____________________
Age: _____________________
Occupation: ______________

1. What are the media you usually use when you are in the office / at home? Please check as many.

IN THE OFFICE
_____ Newspapers
_____ Magazines
_____ Radio
_____ Television
_____ Internet
_____ Telephone

AT HOME
_____ Newspapers
_____ Magazines
_____ Radio
_____ Television
_____ Internet
_____ Telephone

2. What are the effects of mass media on people? Please elaborate your answer. Thank you.


Kindly email your filled out survey form to: guadaramos@gmail.com AND guada_ramos@yahoo.com AND canticles@gmail.com.

Thank you po.
Mwah! :)

Four thoughts for Friday

Sources:
First row: "Lord I Just Keep Running in Circles" by Ruth Harms Calkin pp. 11 & 41
Second row: "Amusing Grace" by Rosanne C. Romero pp. 33 & 34

O dear Lord For so long I have been praying Pleadingly, fervently Day after wearisome day Yet the heavens are as solid brass. You have closed your ears To my desperate cry. Why, Lord? Why? Don't You love me any more? Dear wayward child When will you understand That praying Is never a substitute For obeying.	O dear God I feel as though I am clinging To a rough, swinging rope. Beneath me there is only emptiness. My hands are bruised and bleeding. There is no possible way For me to tie a knot At the end of the rope And hang on. O God, please help me. Frightened child Just let go. I'll catch you.
My head doesn’t feel. That’s why it’s always easier to talk to. My heart, on the other hand, can be more complicated. It doesn’t believe what my head says. Not right away. So you see, I’ll be fine. But it’ll take a while.	So that all my being – all my mind and all my heart, may know if there’s anyone I can lean on and who will never tire, it is He. If there’s anyone who loves me all the time, it is He. And that if anyone is the keeper of my soul, it is He.

Stars

When the stars are twinkling, an angel awaits your prayers.
~Kathryn ScheinFrom "Angels Around Us"

~~~

My interest in stars started when my grandmother died. It was my cousin who introduced them to me. Every night, during the wake of my lola, he would point out the big dipper and we would stare at it until our neck ached. From then on, every night, whenever I have the chance, I look up to locate the big dipper.

~~~

Star light
Star bright
First star I see tonight
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have the wish
I wish tonight

This was later on followed by an incident where my Inay (my other grandmother) told a story about a little girl who saw a falling star and made a wish that came true.

~~~

One of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s deepest, most moving prayer experience was simply contemplating the stars. Looking at the night sky filled Ignatius with God’s powerful presence... (Sun Cell, 2346)

As I grow older, stars became more than just a “wishing” star. They have become a symbol of hope, that whenever I see them in a very dark night, I know that they would continue to give light no matter how far I perceived them to be.

~~~

I still believe that a wish would come true whenever one sees a falling star.

As in!

I really really really REALLY want to travel! As in really really really REALLY want to see the whole Philippines! From Batanes to Tawi-tawi. Then the whole world!

But how? c”,)

My past life

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Banished Fortune Teller. Where You Lived: Greece. How You Died: Buried alive.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

People see me as...

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

:'(

Acording to Ms. Tata (my former boss):
Prayers can heal all wounds

According to Manay (Ms. Tata's sister):
Pray unceasingly

naisip ko lang, gaano kadami kayang prayer and kailangan kong gawin ngayon? :'(

Rambling # 1

(seems to me that i'll be having a lot of rambling thoughts pa in the future. So I might as well start numbering them)

I did not get rich over the weekend; I just decided to do some adjustments on my budget. Because when I saw it on its launching day, I cannot tear myself away from it, not even for a day - so I bought it.

I am neither sorry nor guilty for buying a book this expensive :)

So far this 6th Harry Potter is the most expensivest of all my books. You see, I am a “suki” of booksale and second hand shop of books. The thrill of finding very cheap and good books in these shops never fails to amaze me.

As usual, I cheated, I read the last few pages and sad to say, someone will die. Someone very important will die. Who? Nah, I believe it is best not to say it here. But like Sirius, who died in book five, he’s someone lovable and played an important role in Harry’s life. Who killed him? Voldemort? Nope. The Half Blood Prince killed him. Ok, ‘nuff said.

~~~

My Taluts is pregnant. Everybody’s happy hearing the news that she’s on her way :) Magkakaroon na rin ng kapatid si Gello boop. Good for him :) Cheers!

~~~

Sadly, one of my batch mates in high school died. He is the eldest son of our principal. From what I’ve heard, while inside the bathroom, he slipped and bumped his head. This later on caused some kind of blood clot then he fell into a coma. He died after a few hours. He was laid to rest last Sunday. Please pray for his soul.

Incidentally, I saw an earthworm last night. It was a red, thread like moving thing that scared the hell out of me. Never thought I could move when I saw it let alone kill it. But I did. I ran away from it and poured a kettle-full of boiling water onto it. So I guess (hope) I killed the little thingie.

Call me morbid, but when I die, please donate all the organs that are still working and then cremate me. I don’t want worms feasting on my body.

~~~

One good thing that happened last Sunday was that I was able to be with my other barkada. I saw Tess, Pebbles, Joan, and Raciel. Tess, Joan and Pebbles were my classmates in elementary. We last saw each other, two years ago, during Tess’ wedding day. It was so nice to see them again.

~~~

While inside Mini Stop last night, I came across this verse in the bible:

"It (love) is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."~ 1 Corinthians 13:5 (New International Version - UK)

*sigh* he has a record of every mistake I’ve made.

When I get rich...

I’m going to buy these:

1. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (Book six in the Harry Potter series)
2. Ryan Cayabyab: The Silver Album
3. Friends VCD/DVD (all 10 seasons of them)
4. Memory card for my digicam

When I get super rich, I’m going to buy these:

1. Laptop
2. Palm pilot (tungsten T3 or zire 72)
3. Xerox machine

~~~

This made me smile :)

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man.

"And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's clock?" asked the man. The Philippine President's' clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Panic!

Some people do things better if they are being pressured, some do not exhibit the same reaction when put under stress. Most of the time, I belong to the first group. But today the second group decided to include me in their very prestigious *sarcasm intended* organization. And clumsy Guada strikes again!

The supplement I was lay outing for almost a week now just disappeared in front of my eyes. I don’t know what happened or what button I pressed, it just wouldn’t open! To make the pressure a little bit heavier, the MB Advertising Department called to inform me that they could only give me an hour to be able to include it for tomorrow’s issue!

Fortunately, I saved another copy in my officemate’s computer else; consider me a dead duck tomorrow afternoon. Relieved? Not yet. The said computer’s already on it’s way to Manila Hotel (we are transporting all the computers there for our two-day annual scientific meeting starting tomorrow till Thursday). Buti na lang Ms. Cha (to whom I promised a box of Wonka NERDS – hay… the prize of being enks! – if everything went well) was there to save my butt. The supplement was successfully forwarded to the MB office for lay outing/printing after 45 min.

Relieved? Now, yes. Thank you very much. :)

A promise

Saturday night. My task – done.

I’ve talked to him and he told me that he would stop seeing her. He promised. I made him promise because I have the right to ask him to do so. And since this is the only journal I have (no notebook/s anymore) I going to write it down so I won’t forget. No - I don’t think I will ever forget.

Basta, I’m holding on to his promise. Naku, sana naman talaga… magagalit talaga ako pag hindi natupad yun :-/

Turmoil

My usual practice whenever I am bothered is to sit down and just tell Him everything. No formality whatsoever, just plain, storytelling. Like He’s just beside me. It works for me kasi when I do that I pray na rin at the same time.

I’ve read it somewhere that real worship is being in love with Jesus. And being in love for me means telling Him everything – personally.

But I have something to confess. I have not talk to Him since Tuesday. Lagi ko lang sinasabi, “Lord, sad ako.” Yun lang. I don't want to elaborate. Probably because I am so very busy these past few days. Up to this moment, hindi pa ako nagkukuwento. At parang ayoko nang magkuwento…

Sana lang maging maayos na ang lahat. I have to do something I hate this weekend. It has something to do with my obligation of being the eldest child. I do hope you pray for me. I will need strength. I am so afraid.

Hearts breaking

Goodbye
There's a word I've hated
All my life
Unanticipated tears
Can hurt so much
My friend

It's so sad to see you
At love's end
I've been through the pain myself
It's really wrong
To play it strong

Go on and cry
'Till you run dry
It's alright
Go on and scream
At broken dreams
It's alright


Minsan naiisip ko sana wala na lang ako puso. I can definitely handle the physical stress caused by my work but when it comes to the emotional pressure, I am so very week.

Once, Arlene told me that she is an empath with a weak heart. Ako, I am an empath with a very very weak heart. I don’t know until when will I last.

It was only yesterday when I realized that I could still handle additional pain/burden. And I bleed… I bleed more than ever now. Not for my self this time. But for the one person whom I love the most... :'(

Raging storm

If I ever had a line to heaven I swear
I'd call you there
And if I ever had a line to heaven I swear
I'll be there tonight.

Magsusumbong ako sa Lola Baning at Lolo Lope ko...

:'(

Random thoughts

Busy! Busy! Busy!
Can’t even post anything worth reading.

~~~

July 3, 2005

Ang galing! The Universe (a term borrowed from Arlene) never fails to surprise me every weekend :)
Kala ko magrerest muna Siya kahapon kasi I have so many things to do and yet...!
Hay, surprise! Surprise! ;)

~~~

As a follow up to this post: I have to say, I had fun :)

~~~

BTW, ‘twas my mama’s birthday last Friday! :)
Happy birthday to the most loving and beautiful mama in the whole wide world!
mwa! love you!

~~~

Reminder to self: Study Session next week.
Please! Please! Be ready!
Do all the assigned tasks!
Please! *begging tone*

~~~

one step forward
two steps backward
three steps away
one step back...

sa dami na ng steps, i'm not sure anymore kung ilan na.
basta, I have this strong feeling na naka 1 step forward na ako.
a very precious step... :)

Hmm...

doggie
Originally uploaded by canticles.

"We don’t know always know what the plan is, but we always know there’s a plan. Relax and know that somehow God’s got it all worked out."

Tentyu!

I have been saving a special prayer in my cell phone’s draft folder for as long as I can remember. And as of yesterday afternoon more than half of my wishes included in that prayer, were granted. The most amazing is that the biggest wish was answered when all hopes were lost.

Weeks ago, all I could think of was “we're going to lose this battle” – but how little faith I have! It was once said that “God answers our prayers, three responses stand out― yes, no, and wait.”

God asked us to wait first and to have faith because He would say yes in His perfect time. And in our case He surely did.

During those times, my parents showed me what faith is all about, never once did they show that they're going to give up. And I admire them for that.

Thank you to all those who prayed :)


~~~

Roses for our beloved Little Flower...



~~~

;)

kakanta muna ako ha?

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know...

It's alright, I'm OK
I think God can explain
I'm relieved
I'm relaxed I'll get over it yet

The tears of a child

sunset at matabuncay beach
Originally uploaded by canticles.

Healing Hands
Marc Cohn

Tonight I cried the tears of a child
Who knows what fear runs
deep and wild inside
But the river's in flood tonight

Weekend with friends (Part II)

(Click thumbnail to view the full-sized photo)

Weekend with friends

I really have no plans of going but my best friend, Maciel, insisted that it would be fun. So I said, “Ok, I’ll go.” And then quickly packed my things.

Looking back, the two main reasons I decided to go were just to be with them and to take a lot of pictures. However, what happened during our stay at the Matabunkay Beach Resort and Hotel went beyond my expectations.

Now I have to thank Best for being persistent :) because I really had FUN :)

Thank you: Raciel, Destine, Reese, Sarah, Jero and Best for a very wonderful weekend!

(Forgive me but I have to post an hour-by-hour account of our activities and tons of pictures!)

Friday
My parents allowed me to sleep over at the twins’ (Maciel and Raciel) place because we have to leave early the next morning for the 3-hour drive to Lian, Batangas.

Saturday
9:30 arrival at Matabunkay Beach Resort and Hotel
10:00 swam and played at the beach
12:00 prepared lunch
1:30 lunch
2:45 rest
3:00 played billiards and table tennis
5:00 back to the villa to rest
5:45 watched the sunset
6:00 played volleyball
6:45 some of us explored the shore and the nearby boat others preferred to sit and have a “foot spa”
7:15 prepared dinner
7:45 dinner
9:00 swam and played at the swimming pool
11:30 went back to the villa
12:30 sleep

Sunday
6:00 watched the sunrise
7:00 breakfast
8:00 swam at the beach
9:30 checked out of the hotel
11:00 departure

~~~

Please note that all of the abovementioned activities included taking pictures. And if I may say so, all of us are camera whores :)

~~~

The supposed to be date did not push through. Oh well, that's life :)
Mood: relieved (hehe!)

The waiting continues…

I'm going to get things done and over with.
date: June 13, 2005 - Monday
time: TBA

i wonder what will happen...
sana naman ok. kahit hindi great at least ok.

song playing while writing this :
I'll be (Edwin Mcain)

Could You Be Messiah

by Gary Valenciano

Could You be healer
To a heart that's been wounded
In a battle that's never seen...

Are You deliverer
Of an imprisoned feeling in chains
Can You set my spirit free?

~~~

:'(

Just wondering...

How could you say, “I miss you” to someone whom you’ve only know for exactly three days now and the two of you haven’t even met yet (face to face)? *shrug*

First day of school

I went to LB last Saturday to attend the general orientation of all new students in the morning and the program/course orientation for Masters of DevCom (MDC) in the afternoon.

I arrived at the UPOU headquarters 2 hours early (hindi kasi iniintindi ang schedule ;). Seeing people talking and laughing in groups transported me back to my very first day in pre-school. I couldn’t seem to remember the basic rule of making friends.

Luckily when I went inside the conference room several people were already seated. And like me, they all seemed to be on their own. So I approached one and introduced myself. Surprisingly, she also came from San Pablo City. Tita Weng and I chatted until the orientation started.

After orientation, Lema, a college acquaintance approached me and asked if I still remember her. “Of course naman,” I told her. We had a small talk before I went out of the room. She, on the other hand, had to stay for a few announcements regarding their program.

As I was about to leave the building, I saw Baldwin, a former college apartment neighbor. After a very long chikahan, we found out that we are classmates in ENS 201.

During lunch at McDo, a girl smiled at me. It turned out that she too is a student. Later on she told me, she smiled because she saw the study session materials I was holding. After I bought food at the counter I joined her and we ate lunch together. Since all study sessions are to be held at the DevCom Building, I accompanied her and some other new students to their designated rooms. Instantly, I became their tour guide. :)

We had our program orientation at Lecture Room 1.

Déjà vu. Memories flowed like a river. And it felt really good. My classmates came from all over Luzon. They specialized in various fields. I think I will learn a lot just by mingling with them.
After class, I went to visit St. Therese.

~~~

I’m back to school again! Unlike the ADMU experience, this one feels home and this time I know I belong.

Buhay na naman ang dugo ni Jing-jing. :) Yup, I asked them to call me Jing instead of Guada.

(By the way, Jing-jing means brilliant in Mandarin :)

Super dami agad assignments. I really have to re-orient myself. Dapat 'wag tatamad-tamad! ;)

~~~

I know I have NO RIGHT to say anything about it - at least not yet. But I want you to know how very excited I am about it. Super-over-mega excited! Another cannot-wipe-the-smile-off-my-face event :) I'll always be here for you. yipi! ;)

:'(

Coincidence?

From Sun Cellular Inspiration (2346):
May 28, 2005

What’s in a name? Eric means ever powerful, Mark – defender, Sarah - Princess, Rachelle – little lamb. And You? What’s the story behind your name?

“The Lord called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he named my name.” (Is 49:1) God lovingly calls you by your name! For the past years of your life you’ve been called and known by your name. Go back to the roots of your name and see how this has become part of your own story – God’s gift that is you.

~~~

Name: Guada
Origin: Arabic
Meaning/Translation: The river

Hi La Mer :)

~~~

What's yours?

Destiny

Destiny, you are the oldest of The Endless, you are
eternally chained to a book that holds the
secrets of the universe. You are all business,
never have time to even crack a smile, and
always make sure you do not draw too much
attention. You do not want people hunting after
you!


Which Endless are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

For you

I know I love you. I can deny it and reject it repeatedly for as often as I can but the truth has a way of making its point; and repeatedly, too. It will dance mockingly before you, shine brightly above you, run fast after you and pull you hard from side to side until you finally get it.

It's funny how truth chases those who are in denial but conceals itself from those who want it badly.

But you've made a choice. I *should not* wait for you to change your mind because you were never the fickle type. In fact, I'm the fickle one. On some occasions though, I could be surprisingly consistent. Certainly, I want to be consistent on my decision to not wait for you anymore.

If you'd see some fool coming near me, you'd be the first to hope that he's the one for me. Or if you knew he isn't, you'd at least hope that I'd enjoy playing with him. You're always ready to see me walk away. Only because you want me to be happy and as far as you're concerned, you can't make me happy while you're with someone else - someone you've chosen over me.

This is not how I used to think and it's exactly the reason why I made things a lot harder for myself. I just kept on waiting.

But now waiting's over. I'm letting you go. Or more accurately, I'm letting me and myself go.

There are a lot of guys who are way, way, better than you especially when it comes to being "loving" is concerned. If only you could tell them how you are able to make me feel what I feel when I'm with you!!!

If you change your mind -- and a part of me will always wonder if you would, despite all my letting-go-crap, yes -- I just hope you'd tell me. Clearly. Even as I'm so comfortable with making you guess what's on my mind, I want you to be clear and direct and sweetly straightforward with me.

Tell me if you've changed your mind.

Tell me if your heart has changed.

Until you do, I'll put you under "lost causes." A love that was never meant for me.

So tomorrow I'll walk down the aisle to marry this guy who would be the father of my soon-to-be born child. Come to think of it, I had to be pregnant to be able to settle down with someone who is not you. Well, he loves me. At least that's what he told me.

-- Taken from the short story, "Sally's Fortress" (GMP 1997) by Germa Benitez.

(Note: the author of the "excerpt" above is a very good friend of mine. I don’t know if it’s ok to post her real name here. When I get the approval, post ko na lang)

~~~

If you would come back, I would be the happiest. But if not, I would still be the happiest.

Question

How do you start letting go / moving on?

Mama

me and mama
Originally uploaded by canticles.

I called my mom to inform her that my cousin invited me over to stay at her place tonight. With this, she enumerated the things that I "should" bring with me when I go there including underwear, toothbrush, vitamins, pati nga jacket pinapapagdala ako kasi daw I am sick -- colds and cough lang po *eyes rolling*

I'm used to this now.

I told her: "Si mama parang first time kong mag-overnight sa ibang bahay"
She laughed and said: "Bakit ba? Eh sanay na akong ganun. Basta wag mo kakalimutan vitamins mo."
Siyempre I have to answer: "Opo"

Sometimes, I really get irritated whenever she does this. Super nakukulitan! But most of the time, I just let her. Because I know that time will come when I will miss this kind of conversation. So, let me cherish every moment now while I still can.

Lucban trip

Date: Saturday, May 14, 2005

It was one of those unplanned trip our family usually have so nobody’s surprised anymore when my parents announced at 11 in the evening where we’re going the next day.

Date: Sunday, May 15, 2005

Destination: Lucban Quezon to visit the now-famous Lucban Grotto :)

We left the house at around 4 in the morning. Papa decided to take the Nagcarlan - Liliw road going there to avoid the traffic jam. Since it was an early morning ride, everything seemed fresh. People were helpful whenever directions were asked. Even the plants opened up to welcome the sunshine.




1st stop: Lucban Quezon (Pahiyas 2005 Festival)

We arrived at the San Isidro Labrador Church at exactly 7:15am just in time to attend the later part of the mass.



Lucban is ever famous for its colorful kiping, which the town folks use to decorate the façade of their houses. If I’m not mistaken I think the local government annually gives award to the most beautifully decorated house. So we went around to observe the designs. Among them all I prefer these two:




On the road going to the Grotto, breakfast was served by mama with oatmeal, tart, puto kutsinta and pansit hab-hab on the menu :)

2nd stop: Lucban Grotto

The Grotto’s amazing. Picture? Here:




3rd stop: Pacific Mall
Where we had our lunch!

We headed straight home afterwards.

~~~

Inay and I had our very own photo session that afternoon.



~~~

I Can't Make You Love Me

sunrise at sampaloc lake
Originally uploaded by canticles.

by Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
inside my head

Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close,
don't patronize

Don't patronize me

Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't
You can't make your heart feel
something it won't
Here in the dark
in these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And I'll feel the power
but you won't
No, you won't
Cause I can't make you love me
if you don't

I'll close my eyes
then I won't see
the love you don't feel
when you're holding me

Morning will come
and I'll do what's right
just give me till then
to give up this fight
and I will give up this fight